Friday, February 27, 2009

Unified, disciplined, armed with the secret powers of the atom and with knowledge as yet beyond dreaming, Life, forever dying to be born afresh, forever young and eager, will presently stand upon this earth as upon a footstool and stretch out its realm amidst the stars.

H. G. WELLS

There's an old joke: Two elderly women are at a Catskill Mountain resort and one of them says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life.

Woody Allen opening lines to Annie Hall

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

HELEN HAYES AT AGE 83

Some say life is the thing, but I prefer reading.

RUTH RENDELL

We cannot be normal and alive at the same time.

E. M. CIORAN

Is life not a hundred times too short for us to stifle ourselves?

FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

Who knows? Maybe my life belongs to God. Maybe it belongs to me. But I do know one thing: I'm damned if it belongs to the government.

ARTHUR HOPPE

I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.

DEUTERONOMY 30:19

Tom appeared on the sidewalk with a bucket of whitewash and a long-handled brush. He surveyed the fence, and all gladness left him and a deep melancholy settled down upon his spirit. Thirty yards of board fence nine feet high. Life to him seemed hollow, and existence but a burden.

MARK TWAIN TOM SAWYER

Life is too short to waste In critical peep or cynic bark, Quarrel or reprimand: 'Twill soon be dark; Up! Mind thine own aim, and God speed the mark!

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.

COLETTE

If I had to define life in a word, it would be: Life is creation.

CLAUDE BERNARD The Bulletin of New York Academy of Medicine

Dear friend, all theory is gray, And green the golden tree of life.

JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE

There must be more to life than having everything.

MAURICE SENDAK

There's got to be more to life than sittin' here watchin' Days of Our Lives and foldin' your Fruit of the Looms.

MAMA MAMA'S FAMILY

Remember that you ought to behave in life as you would at a banquet. As something is being passed around it comes to you; stretch out your hand, take a portion of it politely. It passes on; do not detain it. Or it has not come to you yet; do not project your desire to meet it, but wait until it comes in front of you. So act toward children, so toward a wife, so toward office, so toward wealth.

EPICTETUS

Grasshopper, look beyond the game, as you look beneath the surface of the pool to see its depths.

MASTER PO KUNG FU

Life teaches us to be less harsh with ourselves and with others.

JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

One Day, Some Day

Nothing can be more serious than the things involving matters of the heart. My love life is a total zelch. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic. But one day...some day...I know sunshine is just on the other side.

(originally written on May 18, 2008)
To HV 2008

All that is left to me is a dream
that can't be mine
My mind is telling me to say goodbye
While my heart is begging you to stay
How can I say I don't need you
When all I am fighting for
is the love I have for you?
I cross this line to let you know
how much you mean to me
Life and love isn't so fair sometimes
Between you and me the moment
slows down but the passing of time moves faster
I know one day, some day
our love and dreams would be one.
Let's grow in ourselves
I've come to this point to
be strong and brave
And let you choose the life you've ever cherished
It could be a gift or a cursed
But I know one day, some day
our prayers would be answered
And lovers like us would live like those stars in the night.

Monday, February 23, 2009

THe Missing Piece

Life is like a jigsaw puzzle that consists of a mass of irregularly shaped pieces. The objective of the puzzle is simple: to fit the pieces together to form a complete picture or image. I'm still not complete as a person. The image I projected is still not whole. I'm still looking for my "missing piece." I hope someday I would be able to complete my own puzzle.

(originally written on March 13, 2007)

The Missing Piece

Everybody's looking for the missing piece in life
I've wasted much time searching for it
But I still can't find.

I've searched it in the people who share
their lives with me
I've searched it in the crowd
of strangers passing by
But oh, I still can't find.

It puzzles me
Life's a great mystery
People come and people go
I've got some real happiness
But they all lost too easily
Who could in this world make me whole?
I've learned to fight against the time.

I've traveled far and have reached distance places
But in a while I feel the emptiness in me
I've walked on the other side of the road
Hoping I could finally find it
But oh, I still can't find.

It puzzles me
Life's a great mystery
People come and people go
I've got some real happiness
But they all lost too easily
Who could in this world make me whole?
I've learned to fight against the time.

I've asked so many questions
But the answers are not enough
As I moved on, I realized there's only one to
a lasting joy,
In Him and in Him alone.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Health Important Tips

Health Important Tips

Share the following tips to people you care about. Kindness costs nothing.

1. Answer the phone by left ear.

2. Don't take pills with cold water.

3. Don't have huge meals after 5 PM.

4. Drink more water in the morning less than night.

5. Best sleeping time is from 10 PM to 4 in the morning.

6. Don't lie down immediately after taking medicine.

7. When battery is down to last bar, don't answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times.

More tips next time.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Shot of Love.. is What I Need

I read The Bible today. It helped changed my negative line of thinking. When I do some reflections, my list of good and beautiful things that are happening in my life exceeds my list about bad and unpleasant ones. It's good news. It means that I am living a meaningful life. Why should I feel less fortunate? Why should I not count all my blessings? I need not be defeated by anything, not even negative thoughts.

Life in this world is not without challenges. But it must go on even if sometimes my pocket is empty, my finances go down the drain because of forces beyond control. The world around me sometimes lie in shambles. The whole universe conspires against me, threatening my very own existence. Times like these, I need a lot of shot of LOVE. What else can I do to make me feel alive? Should I still believe that faith, hope and love are the three things that last forever? But the greatest of all is love? How could I make the most impact on the other people?

We always think about global financial crisis, mass- layoffs and sky rocketing prices. Can we think some positive things for now like global abundance, global prosperity, global peace or global love?

I will encourage love in others. I will teach others especially myself, to be openly affectionate and loving. I can also give people permission to love me as some may be intimidated or fearful of rejection. I am convinced that we cannot change this world by the logic of knowledge, power and money, but we can change this world by the logic of true love.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Bakas ng Lumipas

Muli akong nagbaliktanaw sa isang kahapon…ang tamis at ang pait nito ay nagpapaalala sa akin na ang lahat ng bagay sa daigdig ay may sariling panahon.

Bakas ng Lumipas

Biyernes na at uwian na naman. Bakit ba kay dali ng araw? Pakiwari ko’y mabilis lang yata ang takbo ng panahon. Ramdam kong nagmamadali ang oras at tila ba may hinahabol. Talagang nakakahilo ang bawat pag-inog ng mundo. Naimpake ko na ang lahat ng aking mga dadalhin at ako’y papaalis na. Hinagod ko muna ng tingin ang kahubaran ng paligid. Tahimik. Walang sigla. Parang isang patay na pook. Walang kabuhay-buhay. Ang ingay na kanina pa lang nag-uugungan ay biglang naglaho na parang usok. Napansin kong nagsiuwian na ang lahat. Walang nagpaiwan.
Kalong ko na ang traveling bag. Natigilan ako sandali. Minsang paglingon ko’y natanawan ko ang isang libo’t-isang laksang kalungkutan na bumabalot sa isang napakalumang cottage. Ang sabi-sabi ay tira pa raw ito ng giyera noon at matagal din bago binalikan at tinirhang muli. Habang nag-aaral sa kolehiyo, sa lumang bahay na ito ako nakatira, nakibaka at natoto ng maraming bagay sa buhay. Ayaw kong damhin at daluyungin ang ibayong pangungulila sa aking pag-alis. Gusto ko nang iwaglit ang mga alaala ng mga nakalipas at ligaw na inahinasyong harot na sumasayaw sa isip ko.
Para akong naglalakad na nagbibilang. Marahan kong pinagmamasdan ang likas na kagandahang taglay ng SNAS pati na ang kabuuang sulok nito. Ngayon ko lang napansin na kahit saan mang direksyon ka titingin iisang kulay lang talaga ang iyong makikita, ang namamayaning kulay berde.
Dumidilim na ang paligid. Bumubuwag na ang maiitim na ulap sa himpapawid at tila uulan. Ang malamig na simoy ng hangin ay marahang dumadampi sa aking maselang katawan.
Pumapatak na ang ulan. Malakas! Bago ko naisipang tumakbo patungong Bangkal waiting shed ay nabasa na ng walang habag na ulan ang aking kabuuan.
Naglalangitngit ang panahon sabay ang nakabibinging ingay na likha ng kulog at kidlat. Nagpapalala ng aking panlalamig ang pambihirang ginaw sa paligid. Habang ginagala ang paningin, ang isip ko naman ay naglalakbay na parang tuksong idinuduyan ng imahinasyon at tuluyan nang nakasulyap sa nakaraan.
Malamig ang buwan. Isang gabi na walang kasing panglaw ang sumasalubong sa akin. Pilit kong inaliw ang sarili at pinaagmamasdang maigi ang makakapal na ulap na nakatabon sa bilog na buwan habang ang konting liwanag nito’y patuloy na tumatanglaw. Hanggang sa ngayon ay ginugulo at nililitis ang utak ko ng maraming mga katanungan na paulit-ulit sa aking balintataw. Bakit ba kay hirap abutin ang isang kapirasong pangarap? Sa tagal ng panahong inaalagaan ko ang isang munting hiyas ng karunungan, kailan ma’y hindi ko nalasap ang tamis ng kaligayahang taglay nito. Hindi pa siguro napapanahon, hndi pa siguro.
Sa katunayan ako ay binago ng panahon at tuluyan nang nakipagsabayan sa pagsulong. Ang larawang iyon ay di maiwawaglit sa dalampasigan ng aking kasaysayan. Habang ako’y nabubuhay kailangan kong maging marahas at matapang upang sa gayon ay malasap ko ang lamukot na tamis.
“Brod!” isang tinig.
“Sukli mo,” aniya ulit.
Parang namalik-mata ako, halatang nabigla at nagulat. Inabot sa akin ng maamong conductor ng jeep ang limang baryang peso. Hindi ako makapaniwalang nasa Aras-asan terminal na pala ako. Naramdaman ko na lamang na may luhang humihilom sa aking mga mata. Nang makababa na ay nababanaag at namumutawi sa aking mukha ang isang sigla- ako’y kiming napatawa.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Sa Aking Pagbabalik

Minsan nakagawa ako ng mga maling desisyon sa buhay. Totoong mahirap takasan ang bangungot ng nakaraan. Ano pa man ang mangyari sa akin, kailangan marunong akong bumangon muli. At ang mahalaga naniniwala akong may puwang sa puso ko ang pagbabago. Darating ang panahon na magtatagumpay ako at masasabi kong "sa wakas nalampasan ko rin at handa na sa aking muling pagbabalik."

Sa Aking Pagbabalik

Gabi iyon noong una kitang makilala. Kadalasan sa gabing kapares noon ay punung-puno ng nagkikislapang mga bituin ang kalawakan. Ang ningning ng mga ito’y tila pumupukaw sa damdaming matagal ding nauhaw sa pag-ibig. Ang sarap damhin ang simoy ng hanging sumasabay sa pagpintig ng aking puso. Pakiwari ko’y iyon na ang pinakasayang tagpo sa buhay ko lalo pa’t sinabi mong may malaki akong pag-asa sa puso mo.
Hanggang talampakan ang kaba ng dibdib ko noong una kitang pinagtapatan ng aking wagas na pagsuyo. Napansin mo siguro kung paano ako nautal at pinamulahan sa mukha. Ah, oo, ang mahalaga naman sa akin ay ang masabi ko sa iyo ang mga salitang gusto kong marinig mo.
Mula noon lagi ko nang pinanabikan ang muli nating pagkikita, hanggang sa tinungo mo rin ang aking hangaring maangkin ka. Halos naglulundag ako sa tuwa dahil sa wakas magnoyo na tayo!
Parang merong nagdidikta sa akin na ikaw na talaga ang lifetime partner ko. Nagsimulang naging makulay at punung-puno ng pag-ibig ang dati-rati’y malungkot kong mundo. Alam mo ba kung gaano ako kasaya sa tuwing kasama ka? Ikaw lang ang naging lahat-lahat sa akin.
Tuwing namamasyal tayo nag-uusap tayo ng kung anu-anong bagay. Pagkatapos nagtatawanan at naghahabulan. Minsan din nangangarap. Langit ang aking pakiramdam sa mga ganoong sandali dahil napatunayan kong mahal na mahal mo ako at gayundin naman ako sa iyo. Tayo na siguro ang may pinaka-sweetest love story in history.
Sa totoo lang, sa iyo umiikot ang aking mundo. At saka alam mo ba kung paano mo ako pinahanga? Matalino ka ngang talaga at napakaraming alam sa buhay. Nasa sa iyo ng lahat ang mga katangiang hinahanap ko. Ikaw ay tunay na mapagmahal, matiisin at mapagbigay. Magagawa mong magpakasakit at magpakahirap sa isang minamahal. Isa pang natutunan ko sa iyo ay ang mabuhay na hindi lamang para sa sarili kundi maging sa ibang tao lalo na sa mga nangangailangan. Natapos ko ang isang awit at ito’y inihahandog ko para sa iyo.Kapuri-puri ka namang talaga. Kaya, higit sa lahat, nagpapasalamat ako dahil ikaw ang mahal ko.
Noong una, inakala kong hindi magbabago ang lahat sa ating dalawa. Nakalimutan kong tao lang pala ako, maraming kahinaan at kapintasan sa buhay. Bigla na lang akong namangha nang paggising ko isang araw nawala na ang dati kong maamong katauhan. Pinaghihinaan ako ng loob. Agad akong nahumaling sa kinasasalamuhaang daigdig.
Pero hindi naman ako basta-basta sumusunod sa kung anu-anong kapanipaniwalang pinaiiral ng tao para mabuhay ng normal. Tumatagis sa utak ko ang katagang “hindi ako makapangyarihan na tulad mo!” Maaaring sabihin na bigla na lang akong nabubuhy sa ngalan ng aking sarili. Sariling malaya. Pero malaya nga ba talaga ako?
Hindi ko namalayan, tuluyan nang nagkalabuan tayo sa isa’t-isa Naging mapusok ako. Hindi ko magawang makinig sa kahit na anong paliwanag. Binulag ako ng aking takot at pangamba. Madalas kong itanong sa aking sarili kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. Ewan ko at lalong hindi ko alam.
Minsan lumuluha ako sa hinagpis, sa poot. Gusto kong ibulalas ang sakit ng dibdib na namamayani sa mga sandaling ako’y nag-iisa.
Palibhasa kasi magulo akong tao. Mahirap unawain kung minsan. Masyado akong ambisyoso at maraming bagay ang naglalaro sa aking isipan na gusto kong gawin at matupad kaya’t nawawalan ng konsentrasyon sa iisang larangan at kaya nabibigo. Hindi ko matukoy ng malinaw kung ano ang nais kong gawin o direksyon ng buhay ang dapat kong pagsikapang makamit.
Hindi ko makatkat sa aking isipan ang iyong mukhang punug-puno ng pag-asang magbabago ako at muling magbabalik sa piling mo.
Batid ko ngayon ang dahilan ng kasuklam-suklam na damdamin na aking pinagsisikapang malampasan. Naging sakim ko. Binulag ng sariling kahibangan. Naligaw habang nangangarap ng pansariling kaligayahan. Akala ko habam-buhay akong magiging tapat sa iyo. Dahil sa iyo, ngayon nabatid ko ang tunay na adhikain ko sa buhay. Natagpuan ko sa iyo ang kasagutan ng mga tanong na gumugulo sa akin. Nauunawaan ko na rin ang katuturan ng aking pagiging iyong “nilikha at kasuyo.” Marahil sa paglipas ng maraming unos at bagyo ay naintindihan ko na kung bakit ka nagpapakahirap at ipinagkaloob mo ang iyong sarili ng walang pagdadalawang isip.
Sadya ngang nagagamot ng panahon ang anumang sakit. Nahihilom nito ang anumang sugat. Pero ang piklat nito’y mananatiling palatandaan magdaan man ang maraming taon.
Inaamin ko ng buong puso, habang hinahanap ko ang aking sarili noon ay ni minsan hindi ka naiwaglit dito sa kasulok-sulukan ng aking puso. Kung kailangan muli kitang ligawan ay gagawin ko upang maibalik natin ang kahapon. Sana’y nariyan pa rin ako sa puso mo.
Ngayong gabi maglilitawan pa kaya ang mga bituin sa kalawakan? Sasabay pa kaya ang simoy ng hangin sa pagpintig ng aking puso? Magiging kakaiba siguro ito, taliwas sa mga nagdaang gabi sa aking buhay. Ewan ko, di ko masabi.
Nasa mga kataga na ang kahinugan ng aking isip na matagal ding pinanday ng maraming pagsubok. Bukas ay araw ng Linggo. Siguro naman ay handang-handa na ako makipagkita uli sa iyo, ang aking muling pagbabalik.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

What is a Hero?

We've been asked the question many times, "What is a hero?" And our answer is always the same - "A hero can be anyone. Heroes come in different shapes and sizes. A hero can be a relative, teacher, coach, or friend. It is up to each person to choose their own heroes. Please post in this entry your own definition of a hero.

The Hidden Truth About Valentine's Day: Origins of Valentines Day

When we think of Valentine's Day, we call to mind hearts, chocolates, flowers and expressions of love. Yet before joining in the fun, wouldn't it be wise to know where this tradition came from?

First, we should understand that Valentine's Day began when the early Roman Catholic Church tried to Christianize an ancient pagan Roman holiday called Lupercalia. That celebration was a licentious festival that honored Lupercus, the hero-hunter of wolves. This festival was so immensely popular among the Roman people that church leaders included it in their calendar, hoping to retain their new parishioners and turn them from sexual licentiousness to morality by linking it to a saint.

The saint they chose for this mid-February Roman festival was St. Valentine. One source explains: "St. Valentine is believed to have been a Roman priest who was martyred on this day [February 14] around [A.D.] 270. How he became the patron saint of lovers remains a mystery, but one theory is that the Church used the day of St. Valentine's martyrdom in an attempt to Christianize the old Roman Lupercalia, a pagan festival held around the middle of February.

"Part of the ancient ceremony entailed putting girls' names in a box and letting the boys draw them out. Couples would thus be paired off until the following year. The Church substituted saints' names for girls' names, in the hope that the participant would model his life after the saint whose name he drew.

"But by the 16th century, it was once again girls' names that ended up in the box. Eventually the custom of sending anonymous cards or messages to those one admired became the accepted way of celebrating St. Valentine's Day" (Helene Henderson and Sue Ellen Thompson, editors, Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations of the World Dictionary, "Valentine's Day," 2005, p. 576).

Although all historical sources contain some of the same notions about how Valentine's Day developed, each one highlights another facet of the story. Another states: "Some people have tried to connect the historical Saint Valentine with the later practices of Valentine's Day by saying that the saint married couples despite the emperor's prohibition, or that he sent a note signed 'from your Valentine' to the daughter of his jailer.

"However, the early Christian saint Valentine probably had nothing to do with the traditions later celebrated on his feast day; it is simply by his placement in the Christian calendar that his name became associated with it. Later, the word valentine may have been confused with the Norman French word galantine, meaning lover of women, as the g and v were often interchangeable in common pronunciation.

"In any case, February 14 gradually became a traditional date for exchanging love messages, and Saint Valentine became the patron saint of lovers" (Macmillan Profiles: Festivals and Holidays, 1999, p. 363).

Theories differ as to how a holiday for lovers developed in February. Some think the mating of birds at that time of year is connected with the tradition:

"One is based on the belief throughout rural Europe during the Middle Ages that the birds began to mate on February 14. Chaucer, in his 'Parliament of Foules,' refers to the belief in this way: For this was Seynt Valentyne's day. When every foul cometh ther to choose his mate" (Stephen Christianson, The American Book of Days, 2000, p. 139).

Regardless of the varied sources and ambiguous history of Valentine's Day, a few identifiable points continue to surface: Valentine's Day originated with an ancient pagan Roman feast called Lupercalia. That festival was based on fertility and sexual licentiousness. In the third century, the Roman Catholic Church attempted to Christianize the ancient festival practice by naming it after a martyr.

The hope was that the festival adherents would thereafter follow the examples of church saints, no longer engaging in the ancient practice of free sex while honoring an ancient god. Despite some success, the holiday still contributes to immorality among many and promotes a wrong view of love.

A counterfeit holiday

Something that is counterfeit always indicates there is something real that it stands in place of, the genuine article. Could the same be true of a holiday? The roots of Valentine's Day lie in a pagan festival, not the Bible. In the Catholic Church's efforts to "Christianize" a pagan festival to gain adherents, did it overlook the real thing—holidays that reflect God's perspective on love and giving?

In fact, what was overlooked in the adoption of pagan holidays was God's true Holy Days and what they mean. We can find all of God's Holy Days or festivals listed in Leviticus 23. And you can also find in the New Testament that Jesus Christ, the apostles and the entire early Church all kept those exact same festivals. Jude is apparently referring to these when he writes of "your love feasts" in Jude 12.

In contrast, the holidays that are widely celebrated in modern Christendom, including Valentine's Day, are not found in the pages of the Bible. Instead, they are largely rooted in ancient pagan holidays that have been given a veneer of Christianity.

-- From The Good News article Before You Ask Someone to Be Your Valentine...

Friday, January 30, 2009

Boost Me Up

Now I need to talk to myself, no kidding! These are the things I always want to say: (My heart is beating fast right now and my mind is processing 1/1000000 of a second. How fast do you think is that?)

Talk to someone you trust. Don’t bottle things up inside. Cry, shout, laugh and feel sad about your problem.

Learn to find new interest. Meet new people. Go to new places. Put yourself into a new situation.

Learn to deal with bad feelings and learn to relax.

Give yourself the chance to be all you can be. Discover your special talents. Learn many skills and develop your own personality.

25 Ways to be Happy

I finally decided to be always happy! Can you believe me saying this? Will it be possible? On one of my reading encounters in Readers Digest magazine, one article suggested 25 ways to be truly happy. I suppose I need each a try if it really works! Why not?

25 Ways to be Happy

1. Change your thinking.
2. Keep a journal.
3. Get some perspective on things.
4. Don’t let a small stuff bug you.
5. Do any unpleasant or difficult chores that need doing.
6. Change your routine.
7. Don’t try to keep up with others.
8. Have a big clean out and divest yourself of useless stuff.
9. Learn to say no.
10. Remember to love your parents or love ones.
11. Don’t let familiarity build contempt.
12. Tell your partner, family and friends that you love them.
13. Be a shoulder to lean on for troubled friends.
14. Phone, e-mail, even write to some old friends.
15. Enhance your mood with greenery.
16. Go to beach.
17. Create something.
18. Breathe fresh air.
19. Go for a walk.
20. Rent a funny video and have a good laugh.
21. Change is as good as a holiday.
22. Give yourself something to look forward to.
23. Invite friends over for a dinner.
24. Smile.
25. Make someone else’ day happier.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I'm (Just) a Teacher but I am Proud

I’m (Just) a Teacher but I am Proud

I like the academic world. I like the questions that get asked and I really like the battle of the wits. Generally, the battles are about issues that I think matter. I’m not so naïve or so ignorant of the teaching side of the academia that I don’t realize that conflict can be petty, but I have found the structure and the goals of education would help keep the battle on point. Conflict happens everywhere and I want to fight about things that matter to me.

As I look back to a few years ago, I didn’t plan to be a teacher. “Me? Becoming a teacher? No way!” I heard myself said. I always wanted to be a doctor of medicine. It had been my cherished ambition. Four years rolled by, after high school, I couldn’t believe I found myself holding a chalk board, writing lesson plans and teaching students. I got fascinated in the classroom life. At first, it was difficult. For me to survive, I needed to think it over seriously. Is this really the profession I want to do for my life? There was conflict inside me. Later on, I comforted myself into thinking that it’s great to be a teacher even this would entail so much stress and pressure physically and emotionally. I become enthusiastic and my work keeps me busy and alert. My dealing with people has improved to a higher level. I learned to be nice, kind, friendly, gentle and generous. I never thought I would be this person. I used to be a shy person with no confidence in myself. Now I realize that it is important to socialize with people. I talk to my students everyday and speak to their parents during parent-teacher conference in school. I learned to solve bigger problems and manage my time and resources. I’m glad my students are close to me. They love to share their experiences and even like to open up their personal lives with me. My life seems to revolve around the school and my students.

The most difficult thing has been finding out that I’m not a perfect teacher. I wasn’t even a perfect student back in school days. But somehow, I expected teaching to be different. I introduced teaching innovations in my classes. Anything that comes in my mind I want to make it real for my students to experience it. Learning doesn’t only happen inside the classrooms so I device a teaching strategy which is outside the usual, something different. Learning, at this point, becomes concrete and fun for the students. Sad to say, for most people, anything new and different is not good. Usually it is treated with a cold shoulder. A change can be impossible if some of the school personnel and faculty are resistant for innovations. I was once bullied with raising eyebrows and brutal criticisms. But I remained calm because I knew I did my best for my students. It’s true that change doesn’t happen over night. In my years in teaching, though I still consider myself beginner, I can’t help not to magnify the little irregularities in the academe that I didn’t see before. When probe closely these ‘‘little irregularities” would trigger economic, social and morals upheavals. Conflict within the academe is inevitable. But as duly licensed professionals, we must see things objectively with no personal biases and must solve the problems right away. Teachers are expected to be duty-bound. I do my part well. I go to school everyday and make it a rule not to come late. I pay my taxes and other dues. I should avoid any form of corruption as much as possible in my work.

Teaching introduced me to a different pace of life. I’m going to work hard. Teaching allows me to use my intellect and originality. I know how important it is to treat people with kindness and respect especially when they are having difficulties or problems. I bring a fairly broad knowledge in education (I’m pursuing my post graduate program in Master of Science in Science Education). I think the most important contribution I can make is making a difference in someone’s life. Positive comments, showing trust in someone taking an action that communicates care and respect can positively change someone’s view of themselves and perhaps their lives as well. What would be more important? Teachers have both the power and opportunity to do great amount of good for many people. I know that I will take all the opportunities available to nurture, encourage and bring joy to those around me.

I think I have much to offer to the teaching field and teaching has much to offer me. To teaching, I will provide my knowledge, inventiveness, and dedication to students. In return, teaching will give me a space to grow intellectually and creatively and a group of people whose growth will provide me with a great sense of reward. I hope this would provide greater heights in my quest for excellence.

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Crisis of Public Education in the Philippines

I would like to share some thoughts of Dr. Ronald Meinardus, former Resident Representative of the Friedrich-Naumann Foundation in the Philippines and a commentator on Asian affairs. After reading the article, please post your reactions on the issue. Let us know how you can be a solution to the crisis in education and change the way we think about the public education in the Philippines.

The Crisis of Public Education in the Philippines

By Ronald Meinardus

According to the human capital theory, the economic development of a nation is a function of the quality of its education. In other words: the more and better educated a people, the greater the chances of economic development.

The modern world in which we live is often termed a "knowledge society"; education and information have become production factors potentially more valuable than labor and capital. Thus, in a globalized setting, investment in human capital has become a condition for international competitiveness.

In the Philippines, I often hear harsh criticism against the politics of globalization. At the same time, regarding the labor markets, I can hardly think of another nation that is so much a part of a globalized economy than the Philippines with nearly ten per cent of the overall population working beyond the shores of the native land.

Brain drain. Apart from the much debated political, social and psychological aspects, this ongoing mass emigration constitutes an unparalleled brain drain with serious economic implications.

Arguably, the phenomenon also has an educational dimension, as the Philippine society is footing the bill for the education of millions of people, who then spend the better part of their productive years abroad. In effect, the poor Philippine educational system is indirectly subsidizing the affluent economies hosting the OFWs.

With 95 per cent of all elementary students attending public schools, the educational crisis in the Philippines is basically a crisis of public education. The wealthy can easily send their offspring to private schools, many of which offer first-class education to the privileged class of pupils.
Social divide. Still, the distinct social cleavage regarding educational opportunities remains problematic for more than one reason. Historically, in most modern societies, education has had an equalizing effect. In Germany, for instance, the educational system has helped overcome the gender gap, and later also the social divide. Today, the major challenge confronting the educational system in the country I come from is the integration of millions of mostly non-European, in most cases Muslim, immigrants. Importantly, this leveling out in the context of schooling has not occurred in this part of the world. On the contrary, as one Filipino columnist wrote a while ago, "Education has become part of the institutional mechanism that divides the poor and the rich."

Let me add an ideological note to the educational debate: Liberals are often accused of standing in the way of reforms that help overcome social inequalities. While, indeed, liberals value personal freedom higher than social equality, they actively promote equality of opportunities in two distinct policy areas: education and basic health care.

For this reason, educational reform tends to have a high ranking on the agenda of most liberal political parties in many parts of the world.

This said, it is probably no coincidence that the National Institute for Policy Studies (NIPS), liberal think-tank of the Philippines, invited me the other day to a public forum on the "Challenges on Educational Reform." With the school year having just started and the media filled with reports on the all but happy state of public education in the country, this was a very timely and welcome event. I was impressed by the inputs from Representative Edmundo O. Reyes, Jr, the Chairman of the Committee on Education of the House of Representatives, and DepEd Undersecretary Juan Miguel Luz. Both gave imposing presentations on the state of Philippine education.

Although I have been in this country for over a year now, I am still astonished again and again by the frankness and directness with which people here address problems in public debates. "The quality of Philippine education has been declining continuously for roughly 25 years," said the Undersecretary -- and no one in the audience disagreed. This, I may add, is a devastating report card for the politicians who governed this nation in the said period. From a liberal and democratic angle, it is particularly depressing as this has been the period that coincides with democratic rule that was so triumphantly and impressively reinstalled after the dark years of dictatorship in 1986! Describing the quality of Philippine school education today, the senior DepEd official stated the following: "Our schools are failing to teach the competence the average citizen needs to become responsible, productive and self-fulfilling. We are graduating people who are learning less and less."

While at the said forum, more than one speaker observed that the educational problems are structural in nature, I missed propositions for reform that are so far-reaching to merit the attribute structural.

Gargantuan problems. While the Undersecretary very patiently and impressively charted out the four policy directions of the political leadership of his ministry (taking teachers out of elections, establishing a nationwide testing system, preserving private schools, raising subsidies for a voucher system), to me -- as a foreign observer -- these remedies sound technocratic considering, what one writer in this paper has recently termed, "the gargantuan magnitude of the problems besetting Philippine basic education."

Let me highlight two figures: Reportedly, at last count more than 17 million students are enrolled in this country's public schools.

At an annual population growth rate of 2.3 per cent, some 1.7 million babies are born every year. In a short time, these individuals will claim their share of the limited educational provisions.
"We can't build classrooms fast enough to accommodate" all these people, said the DepEd Undersecretary, who also recalled the much lamented lack of teachers, furniture and teaching materials.

In short, there are too little resources for too many students.

Two alternatives. In this situation, logically, there exist only two strategic alternatives: either, one increases the resources, which is easier said than done considering the dramatic state of public finances, or one reduces the number of students.

This second alternative presupposes a systematic population policy, aimed at reducing the number of births considerably.

But this, too, is easier said than done, considering the politics in this country -- or to quote Congressman Reyes: "Given the very aggressive and active intervention of the Church addressing the population problem is very hard to tackle."

Saturday, December 20, 2008

I'm (just) a Teacher

I have always thought that teaching was one of the most important careers a person could ever undertake. After taking this program for four years in college, I still very much feel that way, but I also realize that there are many factors that go into effective teaching, and I realize now more than ever that being an excellent teacher is something that requires teamwork from a great many number of people; it is truly not a job that can be done alone. I salute and cheer all persons entering into this field with the highest of expectations for what they can do for their students, classrooms, and their schools. If we work collectively and with a common goal, we can continue to teach and improve upon our teaching in such a way that our students will not only excel in our own classrooms, but take with them the skills they need as they further their educations and enter into the communities. We can offer them what they need to offer us the assurance of a productive future.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Trainers Methodology + Trainers Assesssment Training Conducted by TESDA

I can't really describe in full details the stories behind these photos... maybe when my co-participants in the training would, in case, dare to visit this entry and laugh over these photos. In fact nobody knew I took them camera shots. Well, I guess next time I will post here the chronology of the TESDA Training. I los t for words, I couldn't think of anything but "I need a break" I'm just beginning to enjoy and relax. I want to increase the momentum. I'm quite busy outlining my year-end performance for Year 2008. Abangan!

Monday, November 17, 2008

A Christian Teacher Paraphrase of I - Conrinthians 13

A Christian Teacher Paraphrase of I-Corinthians 13

By Grace Robbins

If I teach with the skill of the finest teacher
And if I am dedicated to the education of the young
But fail to love my students,
I became only a clever speaker
And a charming entertainer.
If I use various teaching techniques and methods
And if I am well-trained so that
I feel like a good teacher
But fail to love my students
Just as they are, my efforts are not enough.
If I spend many long hours preparing
lessons and if I plan interesting
activities for my classes
and then fail to allow God’s love to
flow through me,
My personal efforts are still not enough.
The love of a teacher to his students
is a very special kind of love
It is patient even when they are doing
their best to create problems.
It shows kindness in a way
that makes a new student
feel welcome in a new school
It is not selfish, though it may
when a teacher requires certain
things in the class
It is not easily discouraged
Even though some days seem to
be full of problem
It is not amazed when
A student comes to discuss
a confidential situation
that is too personal to share
with just anyone who might happen
to be around.
This kind of love doesn’t boast about
the accomplishments
But it is a living example of what Jesus
could have each of us to be, daily.
This special kind of love never fails.
Books and study guides will become obsolete
Teaching techniques and methods will be outmoded
Classroom schedules and school policies
will be abandoned
Because these things have been established
by man rather than by God
However when the teacher shares
God’s love with the students
the influence will live forever and ever
Because God is love
When I was a student
I was immature
And behave like a child!
I was a child!
But now I am an adult
And God has spoken to me
about helping the children
discover His wonderful love.
I have faith, and I have hope,
And I have love
These three are God’s great gifts of me..
And the greatest of these is love.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A Teacher's Prayer

Lord Jesus, when you lived and worked
and talked amongst men in Palestine, they called you Teacher.
Help me to remember the greatness of the work
which has been given to me to do; that I work with the most precious material in the world, the mind of the youth.
Help me always to remember that I am making marks
upon that mind which time will never rub out.
Give me patience with those who refuse to learn.
When I have to exercise discipline,
help me to do so in sterness and yet in love.
Keep me from the sarcastic and the biting tongue,
and help me always to encourage those who are doing their best,
even if that best is not very good.
Help me to help my students not only to store things in their memories,
but to be able to use their minds and to think for themselves.
And amidst all the worries and the frustrations of my job,
help me to remember that the future of the nation
and of the world is in my hands. Amen.

Monday, October 13, 2008

What I've Learned In Life

In my 26th year of existence, I’ve learned a lot of things in life. Some of them are found in the thoughts of Ana Achacoso in her, What I’ve Learned in Life, a life reflection that really describes the condition that I’m in. I know this self reflection holds true not only for me but also for everyone. It’s worth sharing, so I decided to publish it here for others to get lessons from.

What I’ve Learned in Life

I’ve learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I’ve learned that it is taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I’ve learned that you should always leave love ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I’ve leaned that you can keep going long after you can’t.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry, I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love with all they have.
I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what type of experiences you have had and what you have learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you have celebrated.
I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you are not related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families are not biological.
I’ve learned that no matter how good friends are, they are going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned that it is not always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I’ve learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a descent human being.
I’ve learned that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

In Memory Of You

He was my student, a typical shy-typed lad. I began to know him well after he graduated high school and entered college education. He was Bryan G. Gigantana, a person who was constantly in search of his true worth and meaning of his existence. We bonded and created a friendship that was almost perfect. Bryan was ran over by a reckless driver of a funeral chariot on the eve of August 10, 2008 near Surigao del Sur Polytechnic State College in Tandag City. He was brought to the hospital but unfortunately he was not able to bear the pain. He lost his breath a few hours later. True enough, I could remember some events when this student turned out to be my teacher. On the day he finally laid down to rest, I sent to him the following poem.

In Memory Of You

To Bryan G. Gigantana

August 16, 2008

Why is death such a cruel thing?
Why has he taken you away from us
who care and love you unconditionally?
Our hearts are filled with so much loneliness
How could you be gone like that
When you’re larger than life itself,
too alive to be dead!
We cannot help but shed tears for you
We thought it was really unfair
Because you were deprived of a new beginning,
A future that could have been very bright for you.

Life is uncertain
And nobody knows what lies ahead
In your waking days
You traversed this life in despair
We heard so much of your pains, frustrations and doubts
We knew there was a struggle within you
Behind your silent suffering
we saw a kind, caring and thoughtful person
who challenged himself in all the oppression
that was taking place under the sun.
We saw your cheerfulness,
Your sunny disposition because you believed
that everything happened for a reason
You seemed to be completely whole at times
When you shared to us your little joys,
happiness and pleasures
How could we ever forget a person
who was not only nice and energetic
But also full of enthusiasm,
hopes and aspiration in everything he did?
No one could ever resist your sense of humor,
your humility and golden heart
You didn’t even lose hope
that one day your broken home would be restored
You cherished to have a balance life,
fulfilled and significant life
You always put your family above all else.
You’re a seeker, a believer.
You wanted to place your feet firmly on the right path
Then you decided to be a servant of God.

All of us had begun thinking
You could realize your dreams
You fought back against your destiny
and bravely stood up for your own conviction
Yes, you knew that you were not alone in your journey
You’ve got a family and friends who prayed for you
when you couldn’t pray for yourself
But why is death such a cruel thing?
Why is life a big mystery?
Life on Earth will not last long
Life is measured by the rising and falling of the sun
and the rising and falling again
of the effulgence of the moon.
Why so much heartaches and pains in our hearts?
Because you left something wonderful
into our lives and we find it hard to erase from hearts
We’re captive by your memories of good feelings
We mourned in our most sincere way
because you have affected us and have touched
our lives in a lot different ways
We hope we could gain so much courage
and strength to ease the pains
and loneliness pestering inside
When we think but nothing of the funny things we had
Our sorrowful hearts somehow
see the brighter side of your tragic loss
It is said that the dead who had already died
are happier than the living who are still alive.
Your journey to the hereafter teaches us
to realize the shortness of our time
It also reminds us to value our lives
and appreciate life more
You will be spending plenty of your time
alone with God, pouring out what was inside your heart
Why should goodbye be like this?
We know, one day, someday
We will be reunited in God’s right time.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Who Am I?

What Zaldy Means

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience.

You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.

But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.

You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.

People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Go the Distance

It's been a long time I had not updated this blog. I rested my pen and my thoughts. But the good news is, I'm back again in my writing journey.
I'm going to post here the song that truly captures my current state of mind. I just hope all you guys would enjoy it as much as I did... so let's "Go the Distance" together!

Go the Distance

I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome
Would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be
I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong
Down an unknown road
To embrace my fate
Though the road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It may take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through
And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star
I can go the distance
I will search the world
I will face its harms
I don't care how far
I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...
I will search the world
I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Walang Maliw na Pag-ibig

There is no greater love than the love that holds on when there is nothing left to hold on to. In this short story I portrayed the endless love of two lovers who believe they could be immortals forever....

Walang Maliw na Pag-ibig
(Tagalog)

Hanggang ngayon ay ikaw pa rin ang madalas sumasagi sa isip ko. Isang taon na ang lumipas. Kung pakaiisipin ay mahabang panahon na rin iyon. Sa loob ng isang taon ay marami na ang nangyari at nabago. Ngunit ang pagmamahal ko sa’yo, iyon lang ang alam kong hindi nagbabago. Hindi ko masukat kung gaano kalalim ang pagkakabaon ng iyong alaala sa puso ko. Minsan talaga may mga tanong na mahirap ihanap ng kasagutan. Ganoon daw ang buhay. Ang lahat ng bagay sa daigdig ay nagaganap na may dahilan.

Sa linggong ito ay napadalas ang pagliwaliw ko sa mga disco bars, party at beer houses. Paano ko ba matanggihan ang paanyaya nina Jake, Mike, Shena at Ella? Naisip ko rin na kailangan kong ilabas mula sa loob ang mga hinanakit ko sa buhay. Tama sila, kailangan paminsan-minsan ay pagbigyan ko namam ang aking sariling malibang.

Sila ang palagi kong kasama. Hindi na kasi sila iba sa akin at maging sa iyo rin. Hindi ba sila ang tinuturing nating mga tunay na kaibigan? Sila ang mga kaibigan natin na hindi nang-iiwan. Sa oras ng aking kawalan, sila ang nagsilbing lakas ko. Sila ang walang sawang dumamay sa akin sa panahon ng aking kalungkutan at pilit nila akong pinasaya.

Halos sa lahat ng oras ay kasama ko sila. Inuman dito, sayawan doon. Sa loob ng nagkikislapang ilaw sa disco bars, sa mabubulang beer at sa madagundong at nakaiindak na tunog ng musika ay naisabay kong inilabas ang aking mga halakhak na matagal ding nagtago sa aking puso. Kakaibang saya ang naramdaman ko. Nagawa ko iyon ng malaya at walang pag-alinlangan. Talagang iba ang saya kapag kasama ang tropa. Tawanan, sigawan, bulyawan, tawanan ulit!

Itong si Ella hindi pa rin nawawala ang pagkakwela. Madalas ito ang nangunguna sa pagpapatawa. Naalala ko tuloy noong mga araw kung paano ka niya pinatawa nang pagkalakas-lakas. Naging kantiyaw na niya sa akin noon iyong mahubad ang pang-ibaba kong costume sa stage play namin na “Romeo & Juliet”. Hindi naman ako nagalit. Dahil nga sa kantiyaw niyang iyon ay nagkakilala tayo. At noong unang nabungaran at nasilayan ko ang iyong mukha ay iba na agad ang naramdaman ko. Kapag kaharap kita ay natataranta ako. Noon pa man ay alam kong umiibig na ako sa’yo. Salamat kay Ella. Sila na nga pala ni Jake ngayon. Biruin mo, nagkatagpo ang landas ng dalawa? Hindi talaga kami makapaniwalang sila na nga. Ikaw din siguro ay mabibigla. Pinaka- hate ni Ella ang chickboy. Si Jake naman ay ayaw niya sa mga babaeng masyadong magaslaw at liberated. Ang hinahanap niya ay iyong tipong Maria Clara kung kumilos. Mahilig siya sa mahihinhin at pinung-pino kung kumilos dahil iyon daw ang totoong dalagang Pilipina.

Sia Mike at Shen naman ay going steady na. Sa susunod na taon ay magbabalak na silang suungin ang buhay mag-asawa. Alam naman natin kung gaano nila kamahal ang isa’t-isa.

Marami na nga talaga ang nangyari. Alam mo ba nang dumating ang araw ng pagtatapos namin noong isang buwan? Kaming apat ang tinawag na Cum Laude sa taung ito! Si Mike ay sa BS Accountancy, si Jake sa BS Civil Engineering, si Shen sa BS Banking and Finance, at ako naman sa BS Education. Siguro kung nandoon ka lang, malamang ay dalawa tayo sa larangang ito.

Malapit ko na rin matapos ang aklat na inaasam-asam kung mabuo iyong “The Life and Adventure of Zalduah” Sa pagsusulat ko sa aklat na ito ay nagiging inspirasyon ko ang ating kwento.

Nitong huli ay nagawi ang tropa sa Meteor Park. Diba madalas doon tayo noon pumupunta? Maganda pa rin ito. Ang sarap damhin ang simoy ng hangin. Hindi ko magawang hindi dalawin ang mga alaala ng nakalipas at kung may gusto man akong balikan sa alaala siguro ay iyong araw na sinagot mo ako doon sa mala-palasyong Meteor Park. Paano ko ba malilimutan iyon? Ang pook na iyon ang naging saksi ng ating pagmamahalan. Doon naramdaman ko ang iyong walang kupas na pag-aalaga at pagmamahal. Sa pook ding iyon naramdaman kong bung-buo ang aking pagkatao. Naging masigla ang mga sumunod na araw. Mababaw nga talaga ang kaligayahan ng isang taong umiibig.

Halos masuka na ako sa kalasingan. Alam mong hindi ako dating ganito. Minsan ay napikon ako kay Mike. Gusto ko pang uminom pero hindi na niya ako tinagayan.

“Mike isa pa!” para akong batang nagsusumamo. Nakita kong gaano kasaya ang aking paligid. Para akong inilutang sa ulap. Ang lahat ay parang kayang-kaya kong liparin.

“Tama na, nasusuka ka na eh,” tanggi nito.
Sa grupo natin si Mike lang naman ang hindi agad-agad na nalalasing.

“Mabuti pang sumayaw na lang tayo,” sambit ni Ella at Shen na halatang lasing na rin.
Niyaya kaming sumayaw sa gitna ng dance floor. Todo naman ang sayaw naming lima. Ang sarap ng pakiramdam!

Sa gitna ng kasiyahan ay bigla ulit kitang naalala. “Kung nandito ka lang sana, ako na siguro ang pinakamasayang tao sa buong daigdig,” naibulong ko sa aking sarili. Nawala agad ang sigla sa aking pagsasayaw. Bumalik ako sa upuan at minarapat na lang na panunuurin sila. Kinamayan ako ni Jake, nagtaka siguro siya kung bakit ako biglang bumalik sa table namin. Nginitian ko lang siya. Magkahalong emosyon ang naramdaman ko. Naglakbay na naman ang isip ko. Sa aking balintataw ay lumitaw ang iyong napakaamong mukha. Napangiti ako ng ubod ng luwang.

Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin kung paano mangarap, mali pala, ang totoo, ako lang pala ang bumuo ng mga pangarap natin. Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit ako masaya. Pero hindi mo siguro napansin noon na habang kasama kita ay naramdaman kong naglalakbay ang iyong isipan sa malayo. Inilihim ko na lang ang sakit. Nagtaka ako kung bakit nag-iba ka na. Ganun ba talaga ang umibig? Mahal kita at yan palagi ang binubulong ng puso ko.

Sabi nila oras na umibig ka kakaibang saya ang mararamdaman mo, magbabago ang lahat, magiging kapana-panabik ang bawat sandali. Iyong kapag nakikita mo siya ay bumibilis ang tibok ng iyong puso, sumasaya ang paligid, lahat ay nagdidiwang. Higit pa roon ang naramdaman ko sa tuwing kasama ka.

Bakit ba hindi ko magawang limutin ang lahat? Minsan, nakatulugan kong yakap-yakap ang iyong larawan. Mahal na mahal pa rin kita. Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit ako masaya at ikaw din ang dahilan kung bakit ako malungkot ngayon. Laging may kirot na kumukudlit sa aking puso sa tuwing nagigising ako sa umaga at naalalang wala kana. Bago ako natutulog sa gabi ay umiiyak ako. Ngayon lang ako nakaranas umibig at mabigo. Ang sakit-sakit pala! Pakiramdam ko ay may bahagi sa aking pagkatao ang nawala. Baliw na nga siguro ako sa pagmamahal sa’yo. Pero bakit hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin matanggap na patay ka na? Bakit hindi ko pa rin matanggap na iniwan mo na akong nag-iisa matapos ang sumpaan nating walang iwanan. Nang lumisan ka, tumigil ang pag-inog ng aking mundo. Dumating din sa akin noon na parang gusto ko na ring sisihin ang langit kung bakit ka pa kinuha sa akin.

Hanggang kailan ko ikukulong ang sarili sa iyong alaala? Lagi na lang akong nakakulong sa kahapon. Para akong sinaksak nang sinabi mong hindi mo na ako mahal!

“Hindi a kita pwedeng mahalin.” Minsan mong sinabi sa akin.

“Pero bakit? At sa aong dahilan?” nagtatakang tanong ko sa’yo.

“Dahil alam ko na ang lahat!Hindi kita pwedeng mahalin dahil magkapatid tayo!” paliwanag mo sa akin. Nakita ko kung paano dahan-dahang pumatak ang mga luha sa iyong mga mata.

Para akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa sa mga sandaling iyon. Kinirot ang puso ko. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa katotohanang iyon.

Gusto ko nang lumaya upang ganap na makalimot ngunit bakit hindi ko magawa? Kapag balikad na ang takbo ng orasan o kaya naman ay kapag berde na ang kulay ng dagat, siguro ay saka pa kita magawang kalimutan.

Nandito ako ngayon sa harap ng iyong puntod mahal kong Alma. Sa kinatatayuan ko ngayon ay naghahanap pa rin ako ng mga kasagutan sa mga tanong hinggil sa mahiwagang bumalot sa ating buhay. Bakit kailangan pang mangyari ang isang bagay? Bakit kailangan mo pang wakasan ang iyong buhay? Bakit mas pinili mong magbigti sa halip na mabuhay at lumaban?

Subalit hindi kita masisisi. Nagkulang din ako. Naging duwag ako dahil hindi kita naipagtanggol at naipaglaban mula kay Kamatayan. Tao nga lang pala tayo- mahina at marupok.

Paano ang magandang simula? Siguro kailangan ko na talagang tanggapin ng buong puso na ang nangyari ay bahagi na lamang ng isang alaala, isang bahagi ng aking pagpapatianod sa mas malalim na kahulugan ng buhay.
Inialay kong lahat sa iyo ang mga bulaklak na nasa iyong harapan ngayon tulad ng madalas kong ginawa noong buhay ka pa. Hindi na ako iiyak pa. Naniniwala akong magkikita pa rin tayo sa pangalawang buhay. Hanggang magpakailan man ito mahal ko. Makakaasa kang ako pa rin ito at ikaw pa rin ang iibigin ko.

Walang Maliw na Pag-ibig

There is no greater love than the love that holds on when there is nothing left to hold on to... In this short story

Walang Maliw na Pag-ibig

Hanggang ngayon ay ikaw pa rin ang madalas sumasagi sa isip ko. Isang taon na ang lumipas. Kung pakaiisipin ay mahabang panahon na rin iyon. Sa loob ng isang taon ay marami na ang nangyari at nabago. Ngunit ang pagmamahal ko sa’yo, iyon lang ang alam kong hindi nagbabago. Hindi ko masukat kung gaano kalalim ang pagkakabaon ng iyong alaala sa puso ko. Minsan talaga may mga tanong na mahirap ihanap ng kasagutan. Ganoon daw ang buhay. Ang lahat ng bagay sa daigdig ay nagaganap na may dahilan.

Sa linggong ito ay napadalas ang pagliwaliw ko sa mga disco bars, party at beer houses. Paano ko ba matanggihan ang paanyaya nina Jake, Mike, Shena at Ella? Naisip ko rin na kailangan kong ilabas mula sa loob ang mga hinanakit ko sa buhay. Tama sila, kailangan paminsan-minsan ay pagbigyan ko namam ang aking sariling malibang.

Sila ang palagi kong kasama. Hindi na kasi sila iba sa akin at maging sa iyo rin. Hindi ba sila ang tinuturing nating mga tunay na kaibigan? Sila ang mga kaibigan natin na hindi nang-iiwan. Sa oras ng aking kawalan, sila ang nagsilbing lakas ko. Sila ang walang sawang dumamay sa akin sa panahon ng aking kalungkutan at pilit nila akong pinasaya.

Halos sa lahat ng oras ay kasama ko sila. Inuman dito, sayawan doon. Sa loob ng nagkikislapang ilaw sa disco bars, sa mabubulang beer at sa madagundong at nakaiindak na tunog ng musika ay naisabay kong inilabas ang aking mga halakhak na matagal ding nagtago sa aking puso. Kakaibang saya ang naramdaman ko. Nagawa ko iyon ng malaya at walang pag-alinlangan. Talagang iba ang saya kapag kasama ang tropa. Tawanan, sigawan, bulyawan, tawanan ulit!

Itong si Ella hindi pa rin nawawala ang pagkakwela. Madalas ito ang nangunguna sa pagpapatawa. Naalala ko tuloy noong mga araw kung paano ka niya pinatawa nang pagkalakas-lakas. Naging kantiyaw na niya sa akin noon iyong mahubad ang pang-ibaba kong costume sa stage play namin na “Romeo & Juliet”. Hindi naman ako nagalit. Dahil nga sa kantiyaw niyang iyon ay nagkakilala tayo. At noong unang nabungaran at nasilayan ko ang iyong mukha ay iba na agad ang naramdaman ko. Kapag kaharap kita ay natataranta ako. Noon pa man ay alam kong umiibig na ako sa’yo. Salamat kay Ella. Sila na nga pala ni Jake ngayon. Biruin mo, nagkatagpo ang landas ng dalawa? Hindi talaga kami makapaniwalang sila na nga. Ikaw din siguro ay mabibigla. Pinaka- hate ni Ella ang chickboy. Si Jake naman ay ayaw niya sa mga babaeng masyadong magaslaw at liberated. Ang hinahanap niya ay iyong tipong Maria Clara kung kumilos. Mahilig siya sa mahihinhin at pinung-pino kung kumilos dahil iyon daw ang totoong dalagang Pilipina.

Sia Mike at Shen naman ay going steady na. Sa susunod na taon ay magbabalak na silang suungin ang buhay mag-asawa. Alam naman natin kung gaano nila kamahal ang isa’t-isa.

Marami na nga talaga ang nangyari. Alam mo ba nang dumating ang araw ng pagtatapos namin noong isang buwan? Kaming apat ang tinawag na Cum Laude sa taung ito! Si Mike ay sa BS Accountancy, si Jake sa BS Civil Engineering, si Shen sa BS Banking and Finance, at ako naman sa BS Education. Siguro kung nandoon ka lang, malamang ay dalawa tayo sa larangang ito.

Malapit ko na rin matapos ang aklat na inaasam-asam kung mabuo iyong “The Life and Adventure of Zalduah” Sa pagsusulat ko sa aklat na ito ay nagiging inspirasyon ko ang ating kwento.

Nitong huli ay nagawi ang tropa sa Meteor Park. Diba madalas doon tayo noon pumupunta? Maganda pa rin ito. Ang sarap damhin ang simoy ng hangin. Hindi ko magawang hindi dalawin ang mga alaala ng nakalipas at kung may gusto man akong balikan sa alaala siguro ay iyong araw na sinagot mo ako doon sa mala-palasyong Meteor Park. Paano ko ba malilimutan iyon? Ang pook na iyon ang naging saksi ng ating pagmamahalan. Doon naramdaman ko ang iyong walang kupas na pag-aalaga at pagmamahal. Sa pook ding iyon naramdaman kong bung-buo ang aking pagkatao. Naging masigla ang mga sumunod na araw. Mababaw nga talaga ang kaligayahan ng isang taong umiibig.

Halos masuka na ako sa kalasingan. Alam mong hindi ako dating ganito. Minsan ay napikon ako kay Mike. Gusto ko pang uminom pero hindi na niya ako tinagayan.

“Mike isa pa!” para akong batang nagsusumamo. Nakita kong gaano kasaya ang aking paligid. Para akong inilutang sa ulap. Ang lahat ay parang kayang-kaya kong liparin.

“Tama na, nasusuka ka na eh,” tanggi nito.
Sa grupo natin si Mike lang naman ang hindi agad-agad na nalalasing.

“Mabuti pang sumayaw na lang tayo,” sambit ni Ella at Shen na halatang lasing na rin.
Niyaya kaming sumayaw sa gitna ng dance floor. Todo naman ang sayaw naming lima. Ang sarap ng pakiramdam!

Sa gitna ng kasiyahan ay bigla ulit kitang naalala. “Kung nandito ka lang sana, ako na siguro ang pinakamasayang tao sa buong daigdig,” naibulong ko sa aking sarili. Nawala agad ang sigla sa aking pagsasayaw. Bumalik ako sa upuan at minarapat na lang na panunuurin sila. Kinamayan ako ni Jake, nagtaka siguro siya kung bakit ako biglang bumalik sa table namin. Nginitian ko lang siya. Magkahalong emosyon ang naramdaman ko. Naglakbay na naman ang isip ko. Sa aking balintataw ay lumitaw ang iyong napakaamong mukha. Napangiti ako ng ubod ng luwang.

Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin kung paano mangarap, mali pala, ang totoo, ako lang pala ang bumuo ng mga pangarap natin. Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit ako masaya. Pero hindi mo siguro napansin noon na habang kasama kita ay naramdaman kong naglalakbay ang iyong isipan sa malayo. Inilihim ko na lang ang sakit. Nagtaka ako kung bakit nag-iba ka na. Ganun ba talaga ang umibig? Mahal kita at yan palagi ang binubulong ng puso ko.

Sabi nila oras na umibig ka kakaibang saya ang mararamdaman mo, magbabago ang lahat, magiging kapana-panabik ang bawat sandali. Iyong kapag nakikita mo siya ay bumibilis ang tibok ng iyong puso, sumasaya ang paligid, lahat ay nagdidiwang. Higit pa roon ang naramdaman ko sa tuwing kasama ka.

Bakit ba hindi ko magawang limutin ang lahat? Minsan, nakatulugan kong yakap-yakap ang iyong larawan. Mahal na mahal pa rin kita. Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit ako masaya at ikaw din ang dahilan kung bakit ako malungkot ngayon. Laging may kirot na kumukudlit sa aking puso sa tuwing nagigising ako sa umaga at naalalang wala kana. Bago ako natutulog sa gabi ay umiiyak ako. Ngayon lang ako nakaranas umibig at mabigo. Ang sakit-sakit pala! Pakiramdam ko ay may bahagi sa aking pagkatao ang nawala. Baliw na nga siguro ako sa pagmamahal sa’yo. Pero bakit hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin matanggap na patay ka na? Bakit hindi ko pa rin matanggap na iniwan mo na akong nag-iisa matapos ang sumpaan nating walang iwanan. Nang lumisan ka, tumigil ang pag-inog ng aking mundo. Dumating din sa akin noon na parang gusto ko na ring sisihin ang langit kung bakit ka pa kinuha sa akin.

Hanggang kailan ko ikukulong ang sarili sa iyong alaala? Lagi na lang akong nakakulong sa kahapon. Para akong sinaksak nang sinabi mong hindi mo na ako mahal!

“Hindi a kita pwedeng mahalin.” Minsan mong sinabi sa akin.

“Pero bakit? At sa aong dahilan?” nagtatakang tanong ko sa’yo.

“Dahil alam ko na ang lahat!Hindi kita pwedeng mahalin dahil magkapatid tayo!” paliwanag mo sa akin. Nakita ko kung paano dahan-dahang pumatak ang mga luha sa iyong mga mata.

Para akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa sa mga sandaling iyon. Kinirot ang puso ko. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa katotohanang iyon.

Gusto ko nang lumaya upang ganap na makalimot ngunit bakit hindi ko magawa? Kapag balikad na ang takbo ng orasan o kaya naman ay kapag berde na ang kulay ng dagat, siguro ay saka pa kita magawang kalimutan.

Nandito ako ngayon sa harap ng iyong puntod mahal kong Alma. Sa kinatatayuan ko ngayon ay naghahanap pa rin ako ng mga kasagutan sa mga tanong hinggil sa mahiwagang bumalot sa ating buhay. Bakit kailangan pang mangyari ang isang bagay? Bakit kailangan mo pang wakasan ang iyong buhay? Bakit mas pinili mong magbigti sa halip na mabuhay at lumaban?

Subalit hindi kita masisisi. Nagkulang din ako. Naging duwag ako dahil hindi kita naipagtanggol at naipaglaban mula kay Kamatayan. Tao nga lang pala tayo- mahina at marupok.

Paano ang magandang simula? Siguro kailangan ko na talagang tanggapin ng buong puso na ang nangyari ay bahagi na lamang ng isang alaala, isang bahagi ng aking pagpapatianod sa mas malalim na kahulugan ng buhay.
Inialay kong lahat sa iyo ang mga bulaklak na nasa iyong harapan ngayon tulad ng madalas kong ginawa noong buhay ka pa. Hindi na ako iiyak pa. Naniniwala akong magkikita pa rin tayo sa pangalawang buhay. Hanggang magpakailan man ito mahal ko. Makakaasa kang ako pa rin ito at ikaw pa rin ang iibigin ko.

Pag-ibig at Pagkamuhi

This short story is an expression of my past broken relationship...it pains like a milliion pins pricking!

Pag-ibig at Pagkamuhi

(Tagalog)

Sa tantiya niya ay humigit-kumulang sampung taon na ang nakalipas mula nang sumakabilang buhay ang kanyang butihing tiyuhin.

Maglalabin-limang taong gulang pa lamang siya noon.Tandang-tanda pa niya ang tagpong iyon doon sa mismong silid ng kanyang tiyuhin kung saan nakahandusay ang wala ng malay nitong katawan. Walang nakakabatid kahit na sino man sa kanyang pamilya ng anumang dahilan nito para wakasan ang sariling buhay. Isang malaking palaisipan iyon na gumugulo sa kanya na ayaw na rin niyang tuklasin pa.

Mahal na mahal niya ang kanyang tiyuhin. Parang anak kung siya’y ituring nito. Kadalasan ang tiyuhin niya ang agad tinatakbuhan tuwing may problema na hindi naman siya binibigo. Ganoon siya kalakas at kamahal sa kanyang kinikilalang pangalawang ama na kapatid ng kanyang ina.

Nagtataka at nagtatalo ngayon ang kanyang isipan. Sino naman kaya itong si Jethro De Guzman na nakaalala pang sumulat sa kanyang tiyuhin na matagal ng naging abo? Wala naman siyang maaalalang ganoong pangalan na naging kaibigan ng tiyuhin. Maya-maya ay naisip niyang buklatin para basahin ang nilalaman ng sulat na kani-kanina palang niya hawak.

Dear Pareng Justin,

Kumusta ka na? Marahil ay nagtataka ka kung bakit ngayon lang ako nakasulat. Gusto kong sariwain sa aking isipan ang lahat ng mga magagandang bagay na nararanasan natin sa ating pagkakaibigan. Higit pa sa magkapatid ang turingan natin sa isa’t- isa. Lahat ng iyon ay magiging bahagi ng aking magagandang ala-ala.

Patawad Pare, hindi ako naging tapat na kaibigan dahil hindi ko napaglabanan ang aking sarili. Natuto akong magmahal sa isang babae na hindi ko naman dapat minahal. Matagal akong nakiamot ng kakarampot na kaligayahan sa iyo. Marami akong naging pangarap sa buhay, ngunit iisa lang pala ang too kong hinangad. Mahirap pigilin ang sariling iwasan o talikuran ang isang bagay na pinanabikan mong maging iyo lalo na’t abot-kamay mo na lang.

Alam ko kung gaano mo kamahal si Trix. Patawad Pare, sinuway ko ang anumang inilagay kong pagitan sa aking isipan at damdamin para bigyang laya ang damdaming matagal ko ring pinigilan. Iisa lang ang isasagot ko kung bakit ginawa ko iyon. Ang totoo ay mahal na mahal ko rin si Trix!

Noon pinilit kong binura sa aking isipan ang babaing kapwa natin mahal. Ginawa kong panansala ang aking nadaramang pagmamahal sa kanya, at maligaya kong ginawa iyon alang-alang sa ating pinagsamahan.
Umalis ako, nagpakalayo at matagal ding nawala. At sa aking pagbalik nabatid ko mula kay Trix na ako at ako lang ang minahal niya mula pa man noon. Hanggang sa nagpatianod kami sa aming di matatawarang pananabik sa isa’t-isa.

May anak na kami ngayon, si Dwight, isang mabait at matalinong bata.
Patawad Pareng Justin. Sana maunawaan mo kami. Mahal namin ang isa’t-isa. Sana’y mapatawad mo ako at si Trix.

Ang iyong kaibigan,

Jethro

Mariing kinagat niya ang kanyang mga labi, kasunod ang mabilis na pagdaloy ng kanyang mga luha sa kanyang mga mata. Poot at galit ang namamahay ngayon sa kanyang dibdib. Samu’t-saring diwa ang pilit umalingawngaw sa kaibuturan ng kanyang katinuan. At doon unti-unting nabuo ang mga kasagutan sa mga tanong na hindi niya inaasahan, ang katotohanang nabalot ng mahabang panahon.

Nasasalamin niya ang kanyang sarili sa katauhan ng kanyang tiyuhin. Ganyan nga siguro ang umiibig ng labis. Naalala niya si Cindy. Kahit na sinasaktan siya nito ay naghahanap at naghahanap pa rin siya ng maidadahilan para habaan pa ang pagtitiis. Sobra-sobra kasi siya kung magmahal. Nais pa niyang ihambing ang sarili sa gamu-gamo. Kung hindi mapaso muna, hindi maniniwala. Kung mabubuhay din lang siyang nagkukunwaring mahal siya ni Cindy gayong alam na alam na niyang totoo sisimulan na niyang mabuhay na wala ito. Pipilitin niyang mabuhay na wala ito. Totoo pala ang kasabihan nilang gahibla lang ang pagitan ng pag-ibig at pagkamuhi. Nasusuklam siya sa mga katulad ni Cindy at Trix!

Minsan talagang parang may pangyayaring mahirap paniwalaan pero nagaganap lalo na kapag tadhana ang nakikialam. Pero tadhana nga ba ang may pakana ng mga nagaganap ngayon sa buhay niya at ng kanyang tiyuhin? Isa lang ang alam niya. Hindi niya sasayangin ang kanyang buhay sa isang huwad na pag-ibig lamang.