Every photo here paints a thousand words... Just feast on your eyes in these photos. I will post the stories next time. Just bear with me...just arrived from a long and winding trip! I want to take a rest.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Upclose Encounter with the BIOTA Philippines Inc.
Every photo here paints a thousand words... Just feast on your eyes in these photos. I will post the stories next time. Just bear with me...just arrived from a long and winding trip! I want to take a rest.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
When You Take It All Off
When You Take it All Off
To my conscience:
You always remind me
Of how much a fool
I have been these days
You put into my system
The blame for not being
Virtuous enough
At sitting up for myself
You always tell me I’m thoughtless,
Unprincipled and loathsome.
Are you telling me these
Because you’re always right for anything?
Call me detest able and disgusting,
I’m just another imperfect being
Who feels and thinks this way.
But my perception and sensibility
Makes me more human.
It might be better not to pin
All my hopes on you.
I am already jaded and rotten
Walking along this lonely road.
I’m used up of hearing more
Of your admonition.
It’s no use to me now.
I am tired of your constant
Evangelizing and feeding me up
The dose of your sarcasm
Stop shouting and echoing
Your shriek voice in my ears
You’re having bright red mark on the face.
You think you know it all
But you can’t read my heart
I’ve been waiting half my life
To get a life, trying to slow
Things down instead of speeding them up.
But you’ll never guess what!
Haven’t you seen the good side of me?
I’m thinking about my little dream
And how it is going to be mine.
All you think I’m mean and vain,
And that my life is spinning
At the wrong direction
So there you are
You take it all off!
Then one more go.
It seems you enjoy watching
Me bare naked.
Tears are dribbling down on my face
Beating me up and beating me more
But you can’t hear me moaning
Even if how much I cringe for pain
Neither can you hear me sounding
Oddly like a tormented man in the dark.
I won’t shiver, I won’t scream
It won’t help me in anyway
I’d wish to be a man with a
Heart at his right breast,
I pray to be at peace with myself
And to my God
This is what I want most in my life.
Cant you see I’m fighting back now?
Then you become silient...
To my conscience:
You always remind me
Of how much a fool
I have been these days
You put into my system
The blame for not being
Virtuous enough
At sitting up for myself
You always tell me I’m thoughtless,
Unprincipled and loathsome.
Are you telling me these
Because you’re always right for anything?
Call me detest able and disgusting,
I’m just another imperfect being
Who feels and thinks this way.
But my perception and sensibility
Makes me more human.
It might be better not to pin
All my hopes on you.
I am already jaded and rotten
Walking along this lonely road.
I’m used up of hearing more
Of your admonition.
It’s no use to me now.
I am tired of your constant
Evangelizing and feeding me up
The dose of your sarcasm
Stop shouting and echoing
Your shriek voice in my ears
You’re having bright red mark on the face.
You think you know it all
But you can’t read my heart
I’ve been waiting half my life
To get a life, trying to slow
Things down instead of speeding them up.
But you’ll never guess what!
Haven’t you seen the good side of me?
I’m thinking about my little dream
And how it is going to be mine.
All you think I’m mean and vain,
And that my life is spinning
At the wrong direction
So there you are
You take it all off!
Then one more go.
It seems you enjoy watching
Me bare naked.
Tears are dribbling down on my face
Beating me up and beating me more
But you can’t hear me moaning
Even if how much I cringe for pain
Neither can you hear me sounding
Oddly like a tormented man in the dark.
I won’t shiver, I won’t scream
It won’t help me in anyway
I’d wish to be a man with a
Heart at his right breast,
I pray to be at peace with myself
And to my God
This is what I want most in my life.
Cant you see I’m fighting back now?
Then you become silient...
Monday, August 13, 2007
Against the Gravity
Against the Gravity
I have learned some insights
Into what it means to be alive
I have learned some insights
Into what it means to be alive
I am still living because I choose to live.
So if you want anything in this world
You have to fight for it, and that’s what I do.
Everyday I walk in the ways of my heart
And the things seen by my eyes
Anywhere I go, and whatever I do,
I feel the diverse parade of life.
And there’s a mixture of wonder and
Delight shining over me.
I am beginning to unlock the secrets of pleasure
And discover what poets already knew.
But, oh, it’s not easy to live life this way!
There are days when the laughter just stops,
Then I find myself alone
Standing at the heaven’s gate,
I view the world as a dying
Candle in the dark,
When was it that I truly enjoyed seeing fireflies?
Aren’t they so beautiful?
And delighting to the soul?
If I could believe in true love
I would never dwell in fantasies again!
Who has ever dreamed to live
In a profane and profound world?
In my tender years, I realize that love
Really moves in a mysterious way
It shouts and echoes to unleash
The things more than I try them to hide.
My dreams are as distant
As those stars in the galaxy
Sometimes I ask how it feels to be over the moon
Or soaring up into the solar system.
They said that not all pain is painful
And not all joy soothes the aching heart.
Beneath the sunless sky,
I find myself alone
Wrap again into the world of shadows,
A world of push and pull.
Every time I throw myself up,
I always tend to go down,
Day and night I keep on searching
A place that can be mine.
But I seem nobody,
I am so down and hopeless,
In my suffering I feel isolated
Many things are pulling me down
I pray that someone could toss me up
I can stand it no more,
But the journey must go on.
How I envy the birds flying over the horizon
Oh why don’t they fall out of the sky?
Are the secrets revealed in them?
I wish I could reach the top of the world
And defy the force of gravity!
So if you want anything in this world
You have to fight for it, and that’s what I do.
Everyday I walk in the ways of my heart
And the things seen by my eyes
Anywhere I go, and whatever I do,
I feel the diverse parade of life.
And there’s a mixture of wonder and
Delight shining over me.
I am beginning to unlock the secrets of pleasure
And discover what poets already knew.
But, oh, it’s not easy to live life this way!
There are days when the laughter just stops,
Then I find myself alone
Standing at the heaven’s gate,
I view the world as a dying
Candle in the dark,
When was it that I truly enjoyed seeing fireflies?
Aren’t they so beautiful?
And delighting to the soul?
If I could believe in true love
I would never dwell in fantasies again!
Who has ever dreamed to live
In a profane and profound world?
In my tender years, I realize that love
Really moves in a mysterious way
It shouts and echoes to unleash
The things more than I try them to hide.
My dreams are as distant
As those stars in the galaxy
Sometimes I ask how it feels to be over the moon
Or soaring up into the solar system.
They said that not all pain is painful
And not all joy soothes the aching heart.
Beneath the sunless sky,
I find myself alone
Wrap again into the world of shadows,
A world of push and pull.
Every time I throw myself up,
I always tend to go down,
Day and night I keep on searching
A place that can be mine.
But I seem nobody,
I am so down and hopeless,
In my suffering I feel isolated
Many things are pulling me down
I pray that someone could toss me up
I can stand it no more,
But the journey must go on.
How I envy the birds flying over the horizon
Oh why don’t they fall out of the sky?
Are the secrets revealed in them?
I wish I could reach the top of the world
And defy the force of gravity!
Waiting for the Full Moon
Waiting for the Full Moon
It was once only a dream….
I sit quietly in one corner
With the full moon peeking in
Through the window,
I finally got down some thoughts of her
That thrilled my heart
In the privacy of my room.
Why is the wind so cold tonight?
Why does it penetrate the heart
And take the warmth away?
I long for stories that will bring her to life
I know only one – the story of her death
No one could give me the detail
I needed to know about the woman
Who was like a goddess to me
And a surging loneliness spread through me
From out of now here I heard someone singing
It was she, I thought.
The voice is like a song of the loveliest song bird
That lingers on to the tree
Why is there stirring of the soul?
This languor of the flesh?
My eyes could have been mistaken
But there she was, so pure and lovely!
From a distance I see her sitting on a piece of rock
Under the moonlit night
While the tiny stars swarmed crazily
Like a shower of silver sequins.
She’s so heart strong in a lot different ways
From the way her eyes glistened,
I could tell she’d been so happy
She was smiling with the guilesness of radiance of youth.
This is how much I’d come to love her
This is how when she joined my body
And there’s a part of my mind
That swims to join her against my will
I have a swimming filling in my heart
Like a creature thrashing to get out
And wanting to stay in at the same time.
How I love to hunt the moon
As it happily rises to glory
Its splendid beauty excites all my senses
There’s a flood of emotions poured from the sky over me
She seemed mysterious
I could see this time the shadow of her
Dying out as the full moon hung low and heavy in the horizon
Then I scampered off to the realms I am designed to live
My love for her remains forever
Her smiles always heal a thousand hurts within.
I watch the full moon slips below the treetops,
In my heart, I wouldn’t wish it to rise up again.
It was once only a dream….
I sit quietly in one corner
With the full moon peeking in
Through the window,
I finally got down some thoughts of her
That thrilled my heart
In the privacy of my room.
Why is the wind so cold tonight?
Why does it penetrate the heart
And take the warmth away?
I long for stories that will bring her to life
I know only one – the story of her death
No one could give me the detail
I needed to know about the woman
Who was like a goddess to me
And a surging loneliness spread through me
From out of now here I heard someone singing
It was she, I thought.
The voice is like a song of the loveliest song bird
That lingers on to the tree
Why is there stirring of the soul?
This languor of the flesh?
My eyes could have been mistaken
But there she was, so pure and lovely!
From a distance I see her sitting on a piece of rock
Under the moonlit night
While the tiny stars swarmed crazily
Like a shower of silver sequins.
She’s so heart strong in a lot different ways
From the way her eyes glistened,
I could tell she’d been so happy
She was smiling with the guilesness of radiance of youth.
This is how much I’d come to love her
This is how when she joined my body
And there’s a part of my mind
That swims to join her against my will
I have a swimming filling in my heart
Like a creature thrashing to get out
And wanting to stay in at the same time.
How I love to hunt the moon
As it happily rises to glory
Its splendid beauty excites all my senses
There’s a flood of emotions poured from the sky over me
She seemed mysterious
I could see this time the shadow of her
Dying out as the full moon hung low and heavy in the horizon
Then I scampered off to the realms I am designed to live
My love for her remains forever
Her smiles always heal a thousand hurts within.
I watch the full moon slips below the treetops,
In my heart, I wouldn’t wish it to rise up again.
Friday, August 3, 2007
My Personal Rule in Life
My Personal Rule in Life
As a part of the course requirement in the subject for my master’s degree, our philosophy professor one day informed us to formulate our own personal rule that might help improve our destiny and on how it could assist us in the fulfillment of our goals as well as our 5 F’s. In this article, I would like to share what I have formulated.
Many people have already turned into philosophy to understand the universe and our life itself. They built their own philosophy by studying the philosophies of great thinkers of the past and of the present. However, their philosophies employ chiefly speculative means, rather than observation in a search for truth. These philosophies hope to inquire into the ultimate human reasons alone.
The origins of human philosophies are from people who have limitations. The Holy Scriptures informs us: “It does not belong to man who is walking even to direct his step.” (Jeremiah 10:23) History testifies that trying to ignore those limitations have not produced good results. Humans by nature are inclined to commit mistakes and have limitations. Additionally, their experiences in life are relatively brief and are usually confined in one culture or one environment. The knowledge they possess is thus restricted, and every thing is interconnected to such an extent that they constantly find aspects that they had not considered. Because of such imperfection, human philosophies often reflect a basic selfishness that leads perhaps to momentary pleasure but also to frustration and much unhappiness. Any philosophy that they originate will reflect these limitations.
What should be the more loving philosophy to live by? Today’s situation in our country and even in the rest of the world indicates an urgent and serious call for moral recovery not to mention the moral relativism and decadence, religious indifferentism, abuse of freedom, social injustice and rapid decline in the value given to human dignity. The answer to this question, therefore, must be something that may lead and bring people back to God’s embrace again.
It is very apparent that we people, have paid more and more attention to the process and less to the substance of moral enrichment.
Our education efforts have perhaps been geared towards making us emotionally attuned to subjectivity “good” things (that is what feels good and what looks good)at the neglect or expense of what truly and objectively good regardless of what it feels or how it looks. We, perhaps, have chosen to give more value to a culture of pleasure rather than to a culture of goodness.
Here, the structure of my personal philosophy is of course based on the spiritual truths found in the bible. “Be good and keep doing good” may sound saintly, pious and virtuous (for us to follow) and by the mere thought of it, we can then conclude that we cannot religiously do what it suggests. But it is worth a try. Perhaps I will better explain this carefully.
The following are biblical passages that may help contextualize how I came up with this personal rule:
Amos 5:15 “Hate what is bad and love what is good, and give justice a place in the gate.”
Luke 6:45 “A good man brings forth good out of good treasure of his heart.”
Romans 12:21 “Do not let yourself be conquered by the evil, but keep conquering the evil with the good.”
Galatians 6:10 “Really, then, as long as we have time favorable for it, let us work what is good toward all. ...”
John 5:29 “And come out, those who did good thins to a resurrection of life, those who practice vile things to a resurrection of judgment.”
Romans 13:3 “Keep doing good and you will give praise from it.”
It is human nature to feel good about yourself when you have done something great not only to yourself but also to other people. We can perhaps better appreciate the nuances of good if we look at how to do good things. Being good means being kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another. This also means caring through small things, doing good things and deeds everyday, bringing joy to our parents, relatives and friends, showing affection, building up good will, putting others first, reaching out and showing an interest in others, giving good examples, being selfless and making others happy without expecting anything in return.
Being good and doing good implies focusing on love and dissolving hate, resentment and hostility. All we owe anyone is love. An expression of love is one that attempts to make others truly happy in an unselfish way. When this happens only then can we make this world a little bit better, a safer place for us to live in. Isn’t this a worthwhile and wholesome philosophy to live by?
We all want to live the good life. Nobody wants to lead a miserable life. Our desire is to be happy. Happiness is the highest good that we can attain. For me, God is the “Summum Bonum “or the highest good to whom all absolute good, beauty, values and happiness are found. If we want to attain eternal happiness we have to make God the center of our life. This means living our life according to what God wills us to live. We have to live a simple life, spend less than what we earn, think constructively, cultivate a mental attitude of peace and goodwill, give generously and work with the right motives.
I may not be the most moral person I know but I am trying to be good in every way I can. God is there for us. He never forsakes us. I am a sinner by thought and by spirit but I never lose faith in Him who cares and loves us even from the start.
As a part of the course requirement in the subject for my master’s degree, our philosophy professor one day informed us to formulate our own personal rule that might help improve our destiny and on how it could assist us in the fulfillment of our goals as well as our 5 F’s. In this article, I would like to share what I have formulated.
Many people have already turned into philosophy to understand the universe and our life itself. They built their own philosophy by studying the philosophies of great thinkers of the past and of the present. However, their philosophies employ chiefly speculative means, rather than observation in a search for truth. These philosophies hope to inquire into the ultimate human reasons alone.
The origins of human philosophies are from people who have limitations. The Holy Scriptures informs us: “It does not belong to man who is walking even to direct his step.” (Jeremiah 10:23) History testifies that trying to ignore those limitations have not produced good results. Humans by nature are inclined to commit mistakes and have limitations. Additionally, their experiences in life are relatively brief and are usually confined in one culture or one environment. The knowledge they possess is thus restricted, and every thing is interconnected to such an extent that they constantly find aspects that they had not considered. Because of such imperfection, human philosophies often reflect a basic selfishness that leads perhaps to momentary pleasure but also to frustration and much unhappiness. Any philosophy that they originate will reflect these limitations.
What should be the more loving philosophy to live by? Today’s situation in our country and even in the rest of the world indicates an urgent and serious call for moral recovery not to mention the moral relativism and decadence, religious indifferentism, abuse of freedom, social injustice and rapid decline in the value given to human dignity. The answer to this question, therefore, must be something that may lead and bring people back to God’s embrace again.
It is very apparent that we people, have paid more and more attention to the process and less to the substance of moral enrichment.
Our education efforts have perhaps been geared towards making us emotionally attuned to subjectivity “good” things (that is what feels good and what looks good)at the neglect or expense of what truly and objectively good regardless of what it feels or how it looks. We, perhaps, have chosen to give more value to a culture of pleasure rather than to a culture of goodness.
Here, the structure of my personal philosophy is of course based on the spiritual truths found in the bible. “Be good and keep doing good” may sound saintly, pious and virtuous (for us to follow) and by the mere thought of it, we can then conclude that we cannot religiously do what it suggests. But it is worth a try. Perhaps I will better explain this carefully.
The following are biblical passages that may help contextualize how I came up with this personal rule:
Amos 5:15 “Hate what is bad and love what is good, and give justice a place in the gate.”
Luke 6:45 “A good man brings forth good out of good treasure of his heart.”
Romans 12:21 “Do not let yourself be conquered by the evil, but keep conquering the evil with the good.”
Galatians 6:10 “Really, then, as long as we have time favorable for it, let us work what is good toward all. ...”
John 5:29 “And come out, those who did good thins to a resurrection of life, those who practice vile things to a resurrection of judgment.”
Romans 13:3 “Keep doing good and you will give praise from it.”
It is human nature to feel good about yourself when you have done something great not only to yourself but also to other people. We can perhaps better appreciate the nuances of good if we look at how to do good things. Being good means being kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another. This also means caring through small things, doing good things and deeds everyday, bringing joy to our parents, relatives and friends, showing affection, building up good will, putting others first, reaching out and showing an interest in others, giving good examples, being selfless and making others happy without expecting anything in return.
Being good and doing good implies focusing on love and dissolving hate, resentment and hostility. All we owe anyone is love. An expression of love is one that attempts to make others truly happy in an unselfish way. When this happens only then can we make this world a little bit better, a safer place for us to live in. Isn’t this a worthwhile and wholesome philosophy to live by?
We all want to live the good life. Nobody wants to lead a miserable life. Our desire is to be happy. Happiness is the highest good that we can attain. For me, God is the “Summum Bonum “or the highest good to whom all absolute good, beauty, values and happiness are found. If we want to attain eternal happiness we have to make God the center of our life. This means living our life according to what God wills us to live. We have to live a simple life, spend less than what we earn, think constructively, cultivate a mental attitude of peace and goodwill, give generously and work with the right motives.
I may not be the most moral person I know but I am trying to be good in every way I can. God is there for us. He never forsakes us. I am a sinner by thought and by spirit but I never lose faith in Him who cares and loves us even from the start.
The Journey of a Teacher
The Journey of a Teacher
(An Introduction to My Blog)
Life in this world is a constant struggle, but the greatest battle truly lies within. How can I make this earthly journey full of meaning and adventure? Well it all depends on how I live my life. And for this reason I want to be mindful of what is going on in me every step of the way. Ever since college days, I have kept diaries for some reasons. I’m naturally a private person. I didn’t usually share my secrets with anyone else. When the world seemed unfair, writing down all my negative thoughts inside was the only option to solace my downcast spirit.
(An Introduction to My Blog)
Life in this world is a constant struggle, but the greatest battle truly lies within. How can I make this earthly journey full of meaning and adventure? Well it all depends on how I live my life. And for this reason I want to be mindful of what is going on in me every step of the way. Ever since college days, I have kept diaries for some reasons. I’m naturally a private person. I didn’t usually share my secrets with anyone else. When the world seemed unfair, writing down all my negative thoughts inside was the only option to solace my downcast spirit.
At first, there was a hard force at work within me. I was afraid that people would find out who I really was and that they might not understand. It was so hard to find real friends whom I could share great ideas and secrets with. I didn’t have anyone with whom I could open up my life like a book. But later on, I somehow learned to conquer all my fears. I’m now ready for the world to probe me closely like a glass slide on a microscope. I just conditioned my mind into thinking that after all, the consequences may not to be catastrophic.
My writing is now expanding. I have kept diaries for over seven years which unexpectedly turned out a compilation of six books (the first one was lost, until now it remains a mystery to me). However, diary is generally for private reading. Only few are given the chance to get invited to enter into my world, mostly the ones invited are those people with tested integrity.
From Diary to Blog
A year ago, when I watched a TV drama-documentary, Nagmamahal Kapamilya on ABS-CBN (a giant television network in the Philippines) the life story and travelogue of the young, adventurous Filipino-American caught my attention. His journey was intriguing to me. He calls himself a Coconuter. If you want to check his site, here’s the link: http://www.coconuter.blogspot.com/. I was so impressed and amazed his life testimonies and his journey here in the Philippines. He inspired me in different ways and even made me think deeper. It was only recently when I asked this question: Why should I not extend my diary into a blog? And so this blog exists. This blog has just born; it’s a brainchild from a Coconuter whose life is intricately lived in search of the perfect coconut that would fall to him from the sky.
Reason for Writing this Blog
I write it for myself and for everyone who is interested in transformation, transition or understanding that life as a huge battlefield is still beautiful. Writing this blog underscores the importance of a frequent mental catharsis. My journal entries help me look within myself and explore the world around me.
The Contents
I am a writer and poet in my own right. They said that poet sees more than ordinary person and feels more deeply than others do. I post here my poetry and my other literary works back in college days along with their beauty, mystery and irony which are truly engrossing and pleasant. Some of the genres are subtly sarcastic, mildly humorous and intensely emotional. They are all about the contemplation of myself and my dilemmas as a person, a friend, a son, a hopeless romantic and my work as a teacher. This blog is inspired to stir noble and lofty meanings of the life I live. Revealed in here are my joys, frustrations, lessons from mistakes and successes. My reflection helps me figure out what is really important in life.
Mistakes in Life
In the life of every person, there comes a time when he thinks he is invincible and he believes that the power of the sun is in his hand. Every person has his individual stumbling blocks onto the road to becoming a complete human being. I do remember all the asinine mistakes and blunders I made. I had been guilty of so many stupid, silly things myself. But I outgrew all them with the years. Now it is the time to bring something new to myself. There is another side of me for the world to see.
The Clear Guide
As I enter into the threshold of maturity, things are quite different because life demands more patience than what I can truly bear. But in the daily run of life, I learn to ignore them entirely. Every day is a self-discovery. I stand watchful of my every move. I observe that life is also a constant perturbation and triumph. What is important is I know how to stand again when I fall down. When I have doubts about the new path I lead, I am reminded in gentle reprimand that life is never easy, but there is God who gives a clear guide that I cannot do without. It takes misery to teach us about joy. It takes death to teach us about life, so embrace it when it comes.
How I Write My Thoughts
This is how I write all my thoughts. I crack away on the computer keyboard or furiously scribbling with my ballpoint pen until the ink spatters on the copy paper. There are times I find it hard to translate my thoughts into words. And there are times I find it really easy. I feel good at the moment and the words wonderfully flow like water from new found geyser. I want this blog to be a testimony of my existence. I want to overflow this with stirring emotions, angst and anguish, hopes and dreams including my prayers, songs, my unique encounters with people and my keen observations about the world I live. Writing down my thoughts helps me gain better perspective. It keeps me in the right balance. It is good thing for me to be able to sort out my feeling and thinking. This way, it can easily work on the area of my life that needs evaluation and filling up. I know that along the way, I would be vulnerable and transparent to all people but I don’t mind it. I don’t think less of myself, rather I feel a relief because the truth finally sets me free in this paradoxical life. And I don’t want to be a total stranger to myself. I am leading a secret thought life like anybody else, a life different from the image I projected. The more I write here in this blog, the more naked my thoughts seemed. I just let all these mixed feelings come out. I don’t want to store them up inside me forever.
An Invitation
Writing is a self-evaluation, an art of emotional healing. Writing about getting real and being true to what you think and feel is right is like a ray of sunshine on a rainy day consoling my depressed being. It keeps me in the right direction. I want to be as honest as I can possibly be in using the words to elaborate and express my feelings and thinking. I invite all people to join me in my arduous journey. This blog is also about my experiences, my successes and discoveries and other random thoughts. I hope I could maintain this site. Welcome to my life!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
My Twin Nephews
These are the photos of my twin nephews. I will post the story of their birth next time. I'm sure the readers of this blog will be interested in knowing them.
A Scar to Remember
Now, I believe that time is a great healer...
A Scar to Remember
Some thing unusual has occurred which breaks my gentle nights sleep. I dreamed a scary dream again that awakened me from a slumber. It seemed it was like a continuation of the one I dreamed of a week hence. My heart beats incessantly that I have been gasping for breath.
I look at my wrist-watch and it’s fifteen minutes past twelve midnight. I soon realized that I have been clutching a familiar photo. Stirred by its sight, I looked at it even more closely. I obviously know the young man in the photo. I know him inside and out. He was my half-brother who made my childhood miserable.
I was five then; he was four years older. We only had one thing very common. He had a sharp memory, and was witty and smart. But how on earth could we be brothers and we had many things uncommon? I supposed that was the plain reason why we were disconnected and contrasting in almost everything, therefore conflicting.
I had been very assertive, the domineering type, the popular smart aleck. He was the insolent tyrant, the toughie kind who enjoyed lording over all my affairs. He hated the way I flushed with my childhood pleasure and pride. I had been very innocent, so naïve to think about justice, freedom and rebellion. He detested my little happiness, my little joy and excitement. He is from the Imperial and I am from the Alima. Mama had annulled her marriage to his father when she was just two. Papa reared and treated him as his own son. I knew he was envious of me. Sometimes he got mad at me for instruction I didn’t really understand. But eventually, he had to accept me and even took good care of poor little me and my younger siblings.
We grew up together. He had been odd and rude to me with each passing time. He used to punish me every time I did stupid mistakes. He wasn’t that kind who would just whip me with a stick or belt. There was a time he punished me by marking my left hand with a burning metal and that was a great ordeal! This left a scar on my left hand. There was even an instance when he had intended to push me down the high staircase. I thought that was the end of me. I didn’t tell Mama and Papa about this sadistic treatment to me for fear things would aggravate. Besides, my parents were too preoccupied to glimpse at us. Since then, I became very sickly. The hurtful feelings I bore still lingered in. The pain was overwhelming. I almost choked in the quagmire of pessimism.
Patiently, I endured all his cruelty. But my endurance and patients got some limits. It was he who taught me to be wild and vindictive. In the process, I learned to disagree and assert my rights firmly and we became like those troubled brothers in the neighborhood who squabbled and fought like cat and dog. More often than not we argued over trivial matters. We just couldn’t patch things up.
Such state went on for some years. But some time ago, I thought of ending our intensifying feud. I forced my self to be close to him. I tried to talk to him. I wanted him to be in good terms with me. I wanted him to share with me his little fears, his desires, his sentiments and even his life. But my efforts were all in vain. It was quite hard to understand him. I thought it was futile thing we could be the best of friends.
When I entered college, the turning point of my life had begun. I finally sought asylum for myself. I had never been a happy person until we parted our courses. He went back to his hometown where he wanted to find his destiny. I had wished him not to come so as to make my life a hell again. What a good design to get rid of him!
I started to live on my dreams. I kept myself busy in my college studies and in the student publication. I was like a happy bird, after being freed from the cage. Finally, the thorns have been extracted and I could breathe with relief. I was convinced to believe that life is beautiful and worth living for. What is only left to me is the scar of yesteryears – painful and bitter memories. But the trail of bitterness had suddenly changed and faded out rightly when one day my family received the stunning news which really shocked my world.
“No, he’s too vital, too fully alive to be dead!” was the wordless cry of my soul.
I felt a sudden stroke, an internal turmoil I could understand. Tears slowly streamed down my face. My soul refused to believe in what I heard. But it really was!
The funeral was huge. The cemetery was congested with mourners - overflowing with the family relatives. My brother’s death weakened my callous heart and humbled me. I moved toward the casket where he rested peacefully and I was silently crying.
“Manoy Sandro, sorry for having been too harsh to you,” my words were too soft and weak to be heard, my voice quivered.
“ We can be the best of friends, I believe we can see each other again in the time.”
I learned from his real father that he was hospitalized and laboratory diagnosis proved that he died of typhoid fever.
The long months of solitude slowly drained me of all thoughts and feelings. I now realized more deeply than ever before that despite the ill treatments he had inflicted in me I still love him because he is my brother. I was just badly clouded by my sentiments that I couldn’t afford to apologize to him for pride and arrogance’s sake. I misunderstood him. I had forgotten he was also common clay, very human like me. I couldn’t deny the fact that I have a share of my mistake too.
This time a surge of renewed life sweeps over me. I looked at the photo again. He looked blithe and happy on his posture. Maybe I won’t dream of that same dream again tonight. I checked my watch once again. The time is 5:30 a.m.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
UNHS Induction and Acquaintance Party
Many hilaraious things happened in last night's Induction and Acquaintance Party . When you take a look at the photos of the students, you would surely say they're having a happy time together. In Unidad National High School (UNHS), in Cagwait, Surigao del Sur, Philippines, the students are truly happy individuals who are also surrounded with charming and happy teachers. It's almost impossible to see someone who frowns or nags. I would like to share the photos I took to speak about the events. I don't have much to say about me today and the last night's party. I will tell more about of my journey next time. I welcome all my readers in this blog to post their comments. Thanks.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Reflection of My Life ( A Journey to the Real World)
Some things are indeed hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down or either you dramatize it or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to. But in my diary and in this blog I can freely lash out for anything, fill with rants about everything from my stupidity to my faux pas. Here I can say anything because unlike real people with real angst to get rid of and real ears that can bleed from my constant whining, it won`t talk back and tell me to get lost. I want to write on my diary and post my thoughts in this blog regularly. There is nothing like putting down the pent up emotions or certain memorable experiences in my own words. This is how I began to develop the habit of reflection, a journey deep down into my soul.
It is my pleasure to recount and share about something of greater importance to me, what I have discovered in life including the things that make me happy. I have leaned that living life to its fullest need not be as hard as it seems. I also have learned from experience how to beat up the humdrum realities in life.
I am now twenty-four years old, uninhibited, unassuming and very much enthusiastic. It takes a certain degree of maturity to understand life. When the person gets older, he becomes wiser. There is wisdom in growing old and I have every reason to believe so.
When I look at myself now, I can say that I am not the “me” as I was six years ago. A new person is being born in me and everyday I see the dramatic changes going on in my life. After I tear out the calendar pages of school days gone by, I get down to the task of establishing a career, perhaps choosing a life mate, starting a family, building a home and accumulating things. Now I see a myriad of reasons to smile, laugh and talk with the abandon of happy, young and vibrant things. This is synonymous to good fun. I still laugh and cry. It is just that I laugh more often than I cry.
My memory is quite sharp. It is true that the mind can give back only of what it was first given. The windows for teaching and learning are still open. What a joy it is to measure up my journey this way while experiencing the coolness of the moon and the effulgence of the sun. In my quiet hours of solitude, I find myself enjoying my beautiful sanctuary fill with the hush of evening time as the shadows lengthen and the sun sinks to rest. This is my happy world, exciting and full of promises. There is no way to worry about because I know I am on the right road. I can be great in my own chosen endeavors because I am endowed with a powerful brain to think and a sensible mind to create something that my heart desire.
I am in control of my life and if I am in control of my life I can fill it up with pleasure to lessen life’s hardships. Accepting life’s uncertainty can paradoxically overcome fear and enhance survival. I can draw strength and courage from choosing to celebrate the ordinary pleasure of life even in the shadow of death.
How well life turns out a far cry from the early days. What I am is fortified by those times when life is not fair. The upside of life must far outweigh the downside. Life will have its bumps in the road. I learned many wonderful things in dealing real life from real people. These real people are my family and my friends. They have jokes to crack, dreams to share and stories to tell. They are not only too funny to be with, but they are also too intimate to forget.
The world is changing and so its desires. Everyday I observe poverty, disease and injustice. Then it seemed as if the people I know would try to bully me with philosophical questions such as why did God make us in the first place? Why do we need to live if we are only to suffer? Brutal wars often lead them to wonder whether there can be meaning to life. Why is the world so unjust? Where does this world head to? But then I draw close to God I find the satisfying answers to all these questions. I believe there is a Creator behind life and the universe. . In him, my life becomes more meaningful and rewarding. I have discovered the most wonderful truth in living this kind of life. Someone has told me that the best way to prepare for the future is ahead. But the present is now to enjoy and to enjoy and to cherish for its uniqueness, for its onceness, for its thereness because it will never come again. I should live each day so that later in life there won’t have to be regrets. It is not just the small choices that we make daily that will determine what our future will be like.
Our perception of the world depends on how we view life. Who we are is more important than what we appear to be. Life at this point can be viewed by unadorned mirror of reason and realism.
There is another way to view life. The world may be likened to a stage on which the drama of eternity is being unfolded, I am the actor, the sun rises and falls like a great curtain day after day and every time I repeat my lines, I make a decision. I either respond to the cues of my daily circumstances just to get part over with or I look at my role in life as a wonderful opportunity to know and enjoy the goodness and wisdom of my Great Director.
Life as I know it, is a struggle. The desire of most people is to be happy, to avoid pain and suffering and to escape from the bleak of woe that so many of us seem to lead. Everybody wants to live the good life. And why not? Who would seek out a life of suffering? There are always two sides of the coin. There are good times and bad times, love and hate, luck and tragedy, all these get in the way of fairness which is why I must sometimes accept the lack of it in my life.
A wise person builds his life on the rock rather than on sand. Though life is like a trudging lab experiment, I still survive. To hope is not always to receive, that is why I must also prepare for the twists and turns. I don’t want to be a clouded philosopher. I will never seek to replace reality with illusion. Someone has especially written this to me:
It is my pleasure to recount and share about something of greater importance to me, what I have discovered in life including the things that make me happy. I have leaned that living life to its fullest need not be as hard as it seems. I also have learned from experience how to beat up the humdrum realities in life.
I am now twenty-four years old, uninhibited, unassuming and very much enthusiastic. It takes a certain degree of maturity to understand life. When the person gets older, he becomes wiser. There is wisdom in growing old and I have every reason to believe so.
When I look at myself now, I can say that I am not the “me” as I was six years ago. A new person is being born in me and everyday I see the dramatic changes going on in my life. After I tear out the calendar pages of school days gone by, I get down to the task of establishing a career, perhaps choosing a life mate, starting a family, building a home and accumulating things. Now I see a myriad of reasons to smile, laugh and talk with the abandon of happy, young and vibrant things. This is synonymous to good fun. I still laugh and cry. It is just that I laugh more often than I cry.
My memory is quite sharp. It is true that the mind can give back only of what it was first given. The windows for teaching and learning are still open. What a joy it is to measure up my journey this way while experiencing the coolness of the moon and the effulgence of the sun. In my quiet hours of solitude, I find myself enjoying my beautiful sanctuary fill with the hush of evening time as the shadows lengthen and the sun sinks to rest. This is my happy world, exciting and full of promises. There is no way to worry about because I know I am on the right road. I can be great in my own chosen endeavors because I am endowed with a powerful brain to think and a sensible mind to create something that my heart desire.
I am in control of my life and if I am in control of my life I can fill it up with pleasure to lessen life’s hardships. Accepting life’s uncertainty can paradoxically overcome fear and enhance survival. I can draw strength and courage from choosing to celebrate the ordinary pleasure of life even in the shadow of death.
How well life turns out a far cry from the early days. What I am is fortified by those times when life is not fair. The upside of life must far outweigh the downside. Life will have its bumps in the road. I learned many wonderful things in dealing real life from real people. These real people are my family and my friends. They have jokes to crack, dreams to share and stories to tell. They are not only too funny to be with, but they are also too intimate to forget.
The world is changing and so its desires. Everyday I observe poverty, disease and injustice. Then it seemed as if the people I know would try to bully me with philosophical questions such as why did God make us in the first place? Why do we need to live if we are only to suffer? Brutal wars often lead them to wonder whether there can be meaning to life. Why is the world so unjust? Where does this world head to? But then I draw close to God I find the satisfying answers to all these questions. I believe there is a Creator behind life and the universe. . In him, my life becomes more meaningful and rewarding. I have discovered the most wonderful truth in living this kind of life. Someone has told me that the best way to prepare for the future is ahead. But the present is now to enjoy and to enjoy and to cherish for its uniqueness, for its onceness, for its thereness because it will never come again. I should live each day so that later in life there won’t have to be regrets. It is not just the small choices that we make daily that will determine what our future will be like.
Our perception of the world depends on how we view life. Who we are is more important than what we appear to be. Life at this point can be viewed by unadorned mirror of reason and realism.
There is another way to view life. The world may be likened to a stage on which the drama of eternity is being unfolded, I am the actor, the sun rises and falls like a great curtain day after day and every time I repeat my lines, I make a decision. I either respond to the cues of my daily circumstances just to get part over with or I look at my role in life as a wonderful opportunity to know and enjoy the goodness and wisdom of my Great Director.
Life as I know it, is a struggle. The desire of most people is to be happy, to avoid pain and suffering and to escape from the bleak of woe that so many of us seem to lead. Everybody wants to live the good life. And why not? Who would seek out a life of suffering? There are always two sides of the coin. There are good times and bad times, love and hate, luck and tragedy, all these get in the way of fairness which is why I must sometimes accept the lack of it in my life.
A wise person builds his life on the rock rather than on sand. Though life is like a trudging lab experiment, I still survive. To hope is not always to receive, that is why I must also prepare for the twists and turns. I don’t want to be a clouded philosopher. I will never seek to replace reality with illusion. Someone has especially written this to me:
“Rejoice young man in your youth
And let your heart do you good
In the days of your young manhood,
And walk in the ways of your heart
And the things seen by your eyes.
But know that on account of all these,
The true God will bring you into judgment.
So, remove vexation from your heart,
And ward off calamity from your flesh,
For youth and the prime of life are vanities.”
I am now a mature person who makes choices based on how they help me the best I can possibly be. I have learned a lot of precious facts of life. And with that comes other valuable lessons about learning from mistakes, searching ways to improve and finding the will to try again. It is said that joy is a great teacher, but so is despair; wonder is a great teacher, but so is confusion; hope is a great teacher’ but so is disillusionment. I must realize that I need other people even as I also realize that I must stand on my own two feet. I must learn to love and not just depend on being loved. Sometimes emotions may becloud reason, but they are also the source of all emotions. I know now that the brain is primarily responsible for feelings.
I am about to embark on another important voyage. Of course, first things in life should be first. This is my life and it is for me to live in. Am grateful to the people who have touched my life and to the events and experiences I have known- all these have contributed to the shaping my life. For all the good times and the bad times, the days of health and the days of illness, the joy and heartbreaks- all have gone to make me ready for my place of service.
Sometimes I commit mistakes because of my human imperfection. But my God is more than good enough. Jehovah forgives me every time I stumble and fall. He is not expecting perfection from me. He just wants me to repent and return his embrace. I find myself quietly offering thanks to have my life as it is, to work in the world I do. I realize that what runs deep runs quiet and usually lasts longest. This somehow helps me expand my horizon, allowing for subtleties and nuances.
I journeyed too far to look for myself. Now I have just arrived. Einstein once said: “The man who regards his life as a meaningless is not merely unhappy but hardly fit for life.” But I am looking ahead. I have learned how to ask the right question. This will be my stepping-stone on my path to growing wiser and stronger. May the angels in heaven be with me always.
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