My Twin Nephews

These are the photos of my twin nephews. I will post the story of their birth next time. I'm sure the readers of this blog will be interested in knowing them.

UNHS Nutrition Month Celebration

Many things happened during our Nutrition Month Culmination Program. See the photos for yourself.... I will post the storyline next time.

A Scar to Remember

Now, I believe that time is a great healer...

A Scar to Remember

Some thing unusual has occurred which breaks my gentle nights sleep. I dreamed a scary dream again that awakened me from a slumber. It seemed it was like a continuation of the one I dreamed of a week hence. My heart beats incessantly that I have been gasping for breath.

I look at my wrist-watch and it’s fifteen minutes past twelve midnight. I soon realized that I have been clutching a familiar photo. Stirred by its sight, I looked at it even more closely. I obviously know the young man in the photo. I know him inside and out. He was my half-brother who made my childhood miserable.

I was five then; he was four years older. We only had one thing very common. He had a sharp memory, and was witty and smart. But how on earth could we be brothers and we had many things uncommon? I supposed that was the plain reason why we were disconnected and contrasting in almost everything, therefore conflicting.

I had been very assertive, the domineering type, the popular smart aleck. He was the insolent tyrant, the toughie kind who enjoyed lording over all my affairs. He hated the way I flushed with my childhood pleasure and pride. I had been very innocent, so naïve to think about justice, freedom and rebellion. He detested my little happiness, my little joy and excitement. He is from the Imperial and I am from the Alima. Mama had annulled her marriage to his father when she was just two. Papa reared and treated him as his own son. I knew he was envious of me. Sometimes he got mad at me for instruction I didn’t really understand. But eventually, he had to accept me and even took good care of poor little me and my younger siblings.

We grew up together. He had been odd and rude to me with each passing time. He used to punish me every time I did stupid mistakes. He wasn’t that kind who would just whip me with a stick or belt. There was a time he punished me by marking my left hand with a burning metal and that was a great ordeal! This left a scar on my left hand. There was even an instance when he had intended to push me down the high staircase. I thought that was the end of me. I didn’t tell Mama and Papa about this sadistic treatment to me for fear things would aggravate. Besides, my parents were too preoccupied to glimpse at us. Since then, I became very sickly. The hurtful feelings I bore still lingered in. The pain was overwhelming. I almost choked in the quagmire of pessimism.

Patiently, I endured all his cruelty. But my endurance and patients got some limits. It was he who taught me to be wild and vindictive. In the process, I learned to disagree and assert my rights firmly and we became like those troubled brothers in the neighborhood who squabbled and fought like cat and dog. More often than not we argued over trivial matters. We just couldn’t patch things up.

Such state went on for some years. But some time ago, I thought of ending our intensifying feud. I forced my self to be close to him. I tried to talk to him. I wanted him to be in good terms with me. I wanted him to share with me his little fears, his desires, his sentiments and even his life. But my efforts were all in vain. It was quite hard to understand him. I thought it was futile thing we could be the best of friends.

When I entered college, the turning point of my life had begun. I finally sought asylum for myself. I had never been a happy person until we parted our courses. He went back to his hometown where he wanted to find his destiny. I had wished him not to come so as to make my life a hell again. What a good design to get rid of him!

I started to live on my dreams. I kept myself busy in my college studies and in the student publication. I was like a happy bird, after being freed from the cage. Finally, the thorns have been extracted and I could breathe with relief. I was convinced to believe that life is beautiful and worth living for. What is only left to me is the scar of yesteryears – painful and bitter memories. But the trail of bitterness had suddenly changed and faded out rightly when one day my family received the stunning news which really shocked my world.

“No, he’s too vital, too fully alive to be dead!” was the wordless cry of my soul.
I felt a sudden stroke, an internal turmoil I could understand. Tears slowly streamed down my face. My soul refused to believe in what I heard. But it really was!

The funeral was huge. The cemetery was congested with mourners - overflowing with the family relatives. My brother’s death weakened my callous heart and humbled me. I moved toward the casket where he rested peacefully and I was silently crying.

“Manoy Sandro, sorry for having been too harsh to you,” my words were too soft and weak to be heard, my voice quivered.

“ We can be the best of friends, I believe we can see each other again in the time.”
I learned from his real father that he was hospitalized and laboratory diagnosis proved that he died of typhoid fever.

The long months of solitude slowly drained me of all thoughts and feelings. I now realized more deeply than ever before that despite the ill treatments he had inflicted in me I still love him because he is my brother. I was just badly clouded by my sentiments that I couldn’t afford to apologize to him for pride and arrogance’s sake. I misunderstood him. I had forgotten he was also common clay, very human like me. I couldn’t deny the fact that I have a share of my mistake too.

This time a surge of renewed life sweeps over me. I looked at the photo again. He looked blithe and happy on his posture. Maybe I won’t dream of that same dream again tonight. I checked my watch once again. The time is 5:30 a.m.

UNHS Induction and Acquaintance Party

Many hilaraious things happened in last night's Induction and Acquaintance Party . When you take a look at the photos of the students, you would surely say they're having a happy time together. In Unidad National High School (UNHS), in Cagwait, Surigao del Sur, Philippines, the students are truly happy individuals who are also surrounded with charming and happy teachers. It's almost impossible to see someone who frowns or nags. I would like to share the photos I took to speak about the events. I don't have much to say about me today and the last night's party. I will tell more about of my journey next time. I welcome all my readers in this blog to post their comments. Thanks.

Reflection of My Life ( A Journey to the Real World)

Some things are indeed hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down or either you dramatize it or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to. But in my diary and in this blog I can freely lash out for anything, fill with rants about everything from my stupidity to my faux pas. Here I can say anything because unlike real people with real angst to get rid of and real ears that can bleed from my constant whining, it won`t talk back and tell me to get lost. I want to write on my diary and post my thoughts in this blog regularly. There is nothing like putting down the pent up emotions or certain memorable experiences in my own words. This is how I began to develop the habit of reflection, a journey deep down into my soul.
It is my pleasure to recount and share about something of greater importance to me, what I have discovered in life including the things that make me happy. I have leaned that living life to its fullest need not be as hard as it seems. I also have learned from experience how to beat up the humdrum realities in life.
I am now twenty-four years old, uninhibited, unassuming and very much enthusiastic. It takes a certain degree of maturity to understand life. When the person gets older, he becomes wiser. There is wisdom in growing old and I have every reason to believe so.
When I look at myself now, I can say that I am not the “me” as I was six years ago. A new person is being born in me and everyday I see the dramatic changes going on in my life. After I tear out the calendar pages of school days gone by, I get down to the task of establishing a career, perhaps choosing a life mate, starting a family, building a home and accumulating things. Now I see a myriad of reasons to smile, laugh and talk with the abandon of happy, young and vibrant things. This is synonymous to good fun. I still laugh and cry. It is just that I laugh more often than I cry.
My memory is quite sharp. It is true that the mind can give back only of what it was first given. The windows for teaching and learning are still open. What a joy it is to measure up my journey this way while experiencing the coolness of the moon and the effulgence of the sun. In my quiet hours of solitude, I find myself enjoying my beautiful sanctuary fill with the hush of evening time as the shadows lengthen and the sun sinks to rest. This is my happy world, exciting and full of promises. There is no way to worry about because I know I am on the right road. I can be great in my own chosen endeavors because I am endowed with a powerful brain to think and a sensible mind to create something that my heart desire.
I am in control of my life and if I am in control of my life I can fill it up with pleasure to lessen life’s hardships. Accepting life’s uncertainty can paradoxically overcome fear and enhance survival. I can draw strength and courage from choosing to celebrate the ordinary pleasure of life even in the shadow of death.
How well life turns out a far cry from the early days. What I am is fortified by those times when life is not fair. The upside of life must far outweigh the downside. Life will have its bumps in the road. I learned many wonderful things in dealing real life from real people. These real people are my family and my friends. They have jokes to crack, dreams to share and stories to tell. They are not only too funny to be with, but they are also too intimate to forget.
The world is changing and so its desires. Everyday I observe poverty, disease and injustice. Then it seemed as if the people I know would try to bully me with philosophical questions such as why did God make us in the first place? Why do we need to live if we are only to suffer? Brutal wars often lead them to wonder whether there can be meaning to life. Why is the world so unjust? Where does this world head to? But then I draw close to God I find the satisfying answers to all these questions. I believe there is a Creator behind life and the universe. . In him, my life becomes more meaningful and rewarding. I have discovered the most wonderful truth in living this kind of life. Someone has told me that the best way to prepare for the future is ahead. But the present is now to enjoy and to enjoy and to cherish for its uniqueness, for its onceness, for its thereness because it will never come again. I should live each day so that later in life there won’t have to be regrets. It is not just the small choices that we make daily that will determine what our future will be like.
Our perception of the world depends on how we view life. Who we are is more important than what we appear to be. Life at this point can be viewed by unadorned mirror of reason and realism.
There is another way to view life. The world may be likened to a stage on which the drama of eternity is being unfolded, I am the actor, the sun rises and falls like a great curtain day after day and every time I repeat my lines, I make a decision. I either respond to the cues of my daily circumstances just to get part over with or I look at my role in life as a wonderful opportunity to know and enjoy the goodness and wisdom of my Great Director.
Life as I know it, is a struggle. The desire of most people is to be happy, to avoid pain and suffering and to escape from the bleak of woe that so many of us seem to lead. Everybody wants to live the good life. And why not? Who would seek out a life of suffering? There are always two sides of the coin. There are good times and bad times, love and hate, luck and tragedy, all these get in the way of fairness which is why I must sometimes accept the lack of it in my life.
A wise person builds his life on the rock rather than on sand. Though life is like a trudging lab experiment, I still survive. To hope is not always to receive, that is why I must also prepare for the twists and turns. I don’t want to be a clouded philosopher. I will never seek to replace reality with illusion. Someone has especially written this to me:

“Rejoice young man in your youth
And let your heart do you good
In the days of your young manhood,
And walk in the ways of your heart
And the things seen by your eyes.
But know that on account of all these,
The true God will bring you into judgment.
So, remove vexation from your heart,
And ward off calamity from your flesh,
For youth and the prime of life are vanities.”

I am now a mature person who makes choices based on how they help me the best I can possibly be. I have learned a lot of precious facts of life. And with that comes other valuable lessons about learning from mistakes, searching ways to improve and finding the will to try again. It is said that joy is a great teacher, but so is despair; wonder is a great teacher, but so is confusion; hope is a great teacher’ but so is disillusionment. I must realize that I need other people even as I also realize that I must stand on my own two feet. I must learn to love and not just depend on being loved. Sometimes emotions may becloud reason, but they are also the source of all emotions. I know now that the brain is primarily responsible for feelings.
I am about to embark on another important voyage. Of course, first things in life should be first. This is my life and it is for me to live in. Am grateful to the people who have touched my life and to the events and experiences I have known- all these have contributed to the shaping my life. For all the good times and the bad times, the days of health and the days of illness, the joy and heartbreaks- all have gone to make me ready for my place of service.
Sometimes I commit mistakes because of my human imperfection. But my God is more than good enough. Jehovah forgives me every time I stumble and fall. He is not expecting perfection from me. He just wants me to repent and return his embrace. I find myself quietly offering thanks to have my life as it is, to work in the world I do. I realize that what runs deep runs quiet and usually lasts longest. This somehow helps me expand my horizon, allowing for subtleties and nuances.
I journeyed too far to look for myself. Now I have just arrived. Einstein once said: “The man who regards his life as a meaningless is not merely unhappy but hardly fit for life.” But I am looking ahead. I have learned how to ask the right question. This will be my stepping-stone on my path to growing wiser and stronger. May the angels in heaven be with me always.

A Reflection of My Life (On My 21st Birthday)

It’s been a journey and I still can’t believe that after the next 24 hours, I’ve been on my 21st year of existence on this planet! It seems it was all yesterday. How time flies! How I really miss those days when the sunshine was more like shadows to me. Yes, those days when all I could brag with was my very active fantasy life, my uncanny sense of adventure which somehow to this day makes me smile even if no one else is around.

Writing about my life in terms of progress report or where I am- summing it up, is painfully a tedious and difficult thing and trying to recollect the important historical event of my life is even more so. By and large, I find this idea worth interesting, important and even ennobling. Since I’m not so good at vocalizing private pain (as well as my little joys) so publicly, putting thoughts on paper and in this blog has been a brainchild exhaust pipe to me.

Twenty years ago, I was an infant just weaned from my mother’s protective breast. Then I have but surely learned to stand on my knees alone. At times I was clumsy, baffled, and full of questions and mistakes. To be perfectly honest, I was the cynical type, the person whose complications cannot fit in a set of encyclopedia. I thought life in this world wasn’t only fleeting but also rife with difficulties. I spent a lifetime pursuing the good I wanted. Then one day, I woke up and realized I didn’t have the slightest idea where I was headed. I live life without giving much attention to why I thought, said and did things. Who would blame me if I spent the rest of my days wallowing in self-pity? There were moments when I felt so down, so isolated, so alone. There were countless times when believing seemed so pointless, so puerile. And yet, I clung on. I almost died on two separate incidents. One was due to severe illness; the other was from a tragic accident. But gracious me, I somehow managed to pull through.

My brother’s death has changed me into another metamorphosis. I used to be into it. You see his passing into the world humbled my being. The wounds I bore remained festering inside through the years. I’ve been building the courage to ask this question to God in my prayer: God, why take my brother away and not me? I was wondering why I’m still very alive and kicking when all I wanted was ever since I gained awareness was ending it all so as to get some real rest. But then, I got tired of ceasing to live! Then I was taught that life is a great teacher and so is death. It was Kahlil Gibran’s undying inscriptions which awakened my belief:

You shall know the secret of death
But where shall you find it
Unless in the heart of life.

I knew I have been asked to endure more and to fight and the harsh realities in life with every ounce of energy I could muster. It’s not easy being in a minority, especially in the minority that is constantly looked down or ridiculed upon by certain people who have done all their means in cajoling people until you finally agree to their idiosyncratic minds. These thoughts truly filled me with total disgust. I have toyed the idea of being different for a long time now, but it’s only recently that I’ve began to look at it objectively rather than hoping against that it wasn’t really so. After all, every human is unique person, an individual with qualities all his own. It’s only now that I realize the risks I took just to make the right decision. Bad influences make up a majority of the population. If we are to survive in this world full of uncertainties we must also distinguish between what is safe and unsafe for our psychic selves. This includes being choosy of the people who you can be trusted upon.

I have a lot of people my own age who prefer breaking into incredible deed, doing illegal activities, shocking and baffling people. These people don’t know how to control their crazy minds so they take all kinds of drugs, or mesmerize themselves by alcohol and become addicted. How chaotic my life would have been if I yielded to their vicious campaign against the world. I don’t want to cry and yell myself one day, “Why didn’t I fight, why didn’t I try to be strong?” I have no desire to be anything like them. I’m astute enough to realize that being as vulnerable as they are would devastate me to the extent that would be difficult to recover from.

Life must go on for me and for those whom I learned to love. Now, I exactly know my reason for being. I learned that it was a good thing to dream big. Even if I don’t accomplish the dream, I will have a more fulfilled life along the way than if I just give up before I start. But I should not keep dreaming of something I accept to be impossible or something I accept to be utopic.

This time I must haves lived high points in life full of beauty and color. This I guess, is enough to make up for a painful past and angst that appears unique to me. Why should I sulk when I can be happy with what I have and do for today? The poet reminds me that the season is too glorious and too fleeting. There’s a lesson somewhere, but given the beautiful day such as today I’ enjoying for at the moment is indeed a time to celebrate life in its fullness. I know very well that it’s nice to be happy.

I have dreamt and God in heaven helped me. Those who obey know the blessings of Jehovah. His wisdom, truth and love are shown to all who choose His way. How would I exactly persuade anyone that God really blessed me? He blessed me with friends with whom I always run to when I long the feeling, the longing to be loved. My God is more than good enough. He forgives me every time I stumble and fall. He is not expecting perfection from me. And I gain knowledge on my own, but wisdom emanates from Him. As Robert Fulghum says: “All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain but there in the sand pile at Sunday school. These are the things I learned: Share everything. Play fair. Don’t hit people. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. Say sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash you hands before you eat. Flush. Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play some and work everyday some.”

I now return to my room, to myself and find that I have not left; I can’t go home for I have never gone away.

Tomorrow is a no big day, that for sure. No partying, no giving of gifts and possibly no lighting of candles on a cake. For this is written: “A name is better than perfume, and the day of death than the day of one’s being born.”

All I have in my mind is to let my soul on the march, towards my destiny, to conquer my place in the sun.

Introduction of Myself

Writing about me isn’t easy, especially when I’m bombarded with so many to-do lists. The fact is, I’ve always been out of step with the world. Though I grew up in a harsh environment, I had never become like those street boys in the neighborhood. I couldn’t be a basketball player for fear of having another bone fracture again. As far back as I could remember, I’ve been writing down all the poems, songs and stories that filled my mind. This is something that I can hole up in a room and do by myself. My high school teacher, who is now my co-teacher, told me that I have a potential in writing. My dream of becoming a writer is getting intense (or should I say, never goes away).
When I entered college I became the Chief Editor of the student publication for four long years in Surigao del Sur Polytechnic State College (SSPSC) –San Miguel (in the year 2000-2004). I wrote under the num de plume of “Zalduah”. My mother thought it’s alright for me to read and write the whole day. And there had been times when my younger siblings have tried to grab me just to get my attention and play with them while I was working on with the publication. This scenario was then a typical day for me.
Everything got a new turn after graduation on March 29, 2004. When I got my Professional License as teacher (October 2005) and Civil Service Career Professional (February2005), I find myself converged with young students in the school where I graduated six years ago- the Unidad National High School, my Alma Mater. On January 20, 2006 I rendered my first government service as professional teacher in the Republic of the Philippines. In front of the four corners of the classroom I become an actor- a real actor! My students are eager to learn. My life becomes an exciting exploration with these young minds. I easily get along well with them. Everyday I rediscover myself. My life is much filled with wishes and hopes. And as days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into years, it seems that my life revolves around the school and its premises.

To learn more about me, well this is my story:
I am twenty four years old now. My friends used to call me “Undo” (my nickname). My registered name is ZALDY D. ALIMA. I am the eldest child in a brood of six of Mr. Samuel C. Alima and Ms. Carmen B. Diez. The day I was born, October 2, 1982, was a day of rejoicing (reason is: I happened to be the first child) in the Alima household in Malangas, Zamboanga del Sur. I had come into the world much like millions do daily. I used to think that I was a special child even if I knew very much that by birth was unlikely to be a part of the “happily ever after” ending story of some fairytales. I’ve been into music (No! I’m not a singer; I’m only a song composer). Some of my compositions have been sung on stage. I like hanging out alone dreaming of the stars, moons and the suns. Though I’m quiet alone, I tell you I’m not lonely! Being with myself gives me an ample time to meditate and contemplate– an opportunity to get to know myself better. How enjoyable I can be with myself this way! I simply do not want to be like a man who gets so bored being left alone with his thoughts that he had to have a book with him all the time he is not with people. Reading and writing have their place too, and an important place it is, but so have hanging out and getting acquainted with myself. This is a fascinating pastime I have ever indulged myself in!