I Lost My Friend To Breast Cancer

It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again.

This is hard. Honestly, I don’t know how to begin. I know I should begin by saying that we are here not only to remember, but to honor the life of Ma'am Lorita Derigay. But where do I begin to tell you all about the woman that she was? There was so much to her life, and so much that I want everyone to know about her. Her life was so full. She had two beautiful daughters and a loving husband that made her life so complete and friends and family who love her. 

Ma'am Derigay was my mother I never had. She was my closest friend in the work place, someone who was always there when I was in trouble. She was like my cheer leader and a big sister at the same time.  I want to share every story about mine and how I met her.

 I first met her during our regular Science Department meeting held at Chemistry lab in Jacinto P. Elpa National High School sometime on August 2010. She was introduced to us among the other new teachers in the Science Dept. I right away noticed her unique charisma to people. Ang gaan-gaan niyang kasama at laging naka-smile. I had a nice impression of her since then because of her friendly nature.

She was a very religious woman. If she were not a teacher she would probably be a nun. I never met a woman as selfless as she was. As I know her, she was never harsh or overbearing, but quite the opposite. She was sweet and generous with a strong love for life. Warm and caring, with a great sense of humor, she had a deep sort of intelligence that transcended her education. Duon na nag-start ang closeness namin. It helped that she had an insatiable love for both reading and writing that inspires me to this day. Observant and thoughtful, she was one of the easiest people to talk to about anything.

She was a seeker of knowledge. In fact when she learned I enrolled in TESDA (Technical Education and Skills Development Authority) for Bartending NC 11 and Housekeeping she also excitedly joined in.

She was a woman who lived for life and lived for others. She was never afraid and she was brave enough to be the woman she felt she should be.  She even participated in the JPSEMCO (Credit Cooperative in our school) Tour  in Palawan and we had so much fun to remember about her in that entire trip to Palawan, Manila, Ilocos, Vigan and to Baguio.

I believe the things that made her as she was are what we all loved about her. Justice, honor, compassion, integrity, determination, love, respect, and heart are words that describe the woman Ma'am Lorits was. 

Even then, she began to teach me about life like the first time we participated in the National Science competitions together in Laguna. She was full of heart and never afraid to go after what she wanted, no matter how hard she had to work for it. 

 She found out she had breast cancer long before she entered public school and it was malignant. She tried radiation therapy and chemotherapy but the tumors kept growing. She battled the disease for long long time, before it started to overtake her. After all the time that had passed since her initial diagnosis, she started to look like she had cancer. Our hearts broke for her but she was always in high spirit.

Knowing how bad her situation, she was assigned as Values Education  teacher to lessen her workload in teaching Science. The Science Department has lots of activities and stress was tailing on her. This was not good for her health. Mas na-stress siya lalo because she became emotionally involved with students’ personal and family problems. However, her concerns for her students made them loved her the more.

I was amazed and impressed by her optimistic attitude and did my best to emulate it. “Let us be positive” she would always say. With the spirit of a true warrior, she wanted to fight and she wanted to win. Relentlessly, she began studying everything she could about cancer and its various treatments and success stories. I learned to be health conscious and started learning about organic foods and natural health remedies because of her. I even went to University of the Philippines  Diliman to study cancer and eventually had collaboration with renown scientist in cancer research.
She filed a leaved for her medication in Davao Regional Hospital. I don't know how any woman could stay in such a horrible situation for so long, but I think I understand why. She spent years dedicating her life to teaching, to her family, relatives and helping other people without expecting something in return.

When my father had an unexplained illness, she told me to send him to Davao Regional Hospital right away. I listened to her. In Davao I saw how she had helped other cancer patients. Naging instant teacher siya sa ibang mga patients. She jokingly told me, "once a teacher always a teacher."  She was always giving, even if she didn’t have it to give. This is why I am proud of her in life and in death. Two months later my father died of lung cancer. And she felt sad and she grieved with me. Most of the times she kept in touched to uplift my downcast spirit. 

Another life lesson she taught me was simply to enjoy life. After the fall she told me to stand tall. And did she ever enjoy life, up until her final hours. She taught me how to be a friend.  She was a good friend to everyone she loved, even those who at times she found impossible to like. She was friends to some simply because she felt that they needed her to be. She would give you money if you’re broke, buy you lunch, give you a place to stay if you had nowhere else to go. She was a Good Samaritan, she was like Mother Teresa.

Her cancer advanced. She fought hard, and usually kept her sense of humor and love for life. When her hair fell out, she bought wigs of all different styles and colors and acted comically glamorous. When she lost a third of her body-weight she told us it was because her new diet was working. "The cancer diet," she'd call it. I'm sure she had plenty of private moments where she came undone, but her spirit was strong, and I was in awe of her. 

I thought about the great strength that I knew she possessed. She was stronger than anyone I know suffering from a dreadful disease.  Her life touched me deeply and reminded me how loved she was by all who were lucky enough to know her. Like so many, who have lost loved ones, I have learned to focus on how my father lived, as opposed to how he died. This has been a key element in finding closure to a tragic loss. I have let go of the pain, enabling me to finally, fully, embrace the strength of his memory. When I think of him now, it's with a smile on my face, rather than a tear in my eyes. The same goes for Ma'am Lorits. 

As we reflect on our time with Ma'am Lorits, we remember what it was we loved about her and what we will miss the most about her. Even in death she has taught me about life. Her final lesson was to show the people you love that you love them now, because life is too short for regrets. 

 People often speak of happiness in tragedy. I never understood this until I witnessed the blessing that came from her slow but graceful end. She taught me this lesson while I watched her family reunited again. I owe her so much for what she brought to my life. Love is God’s greatest gift, and for me that love is Ma'am Lorits. So don’t leave here today empty or sad, but with a heart full of love, forever and always. I also leave you with a challenge to find a way to do what she did for me today- to try and live for her, because she lived for all of us.


(A eulogy I delivered during the JPENHS Faculty and Staff necrological service of Ma'am Lorita B. Derigay.)